Earlier, I cried.
I cried because I was happy talking with you on the phone.
You told me about a great news:
Finally you’re going to get the job opportunity
Both of us were anticipating…
I am so happy for you- this is going to be your big break;
A great leap, a life changing one.
I am so excited.
Yet I know deep within that it will entail you
To move to another place,
Twice as far as we already are.
We said we’d find ways to be together.
I want to believe that it is just that easy,
That it is possible.
But I have had a reality check-
And I am scared that the chances to do so
Would be as often as the passing
Of Halley’s comet.
I wish I am just being cynical,
But our situation isn’t hypothetical.
I cried because the majestic moon
And the city lights below from where I sat
Were so beautiful and breath-taking.
I have never felt so small.
I cried because I felt like a lost kitten
In this big, nasty world.
I felt like a stranger with a mission,
Moving everywhere, faster than the season.
My life’s been blessed with perks:
Making a difference to other’s lives-
Fulfillment and adventure,
But with a price of being sporadic and nomadic-
What the heck am I doing?
I coughed and choked, trying hard to hold the sobs.
You asked me if I was crying.
You know me.
Yet I don’t want you to feel
That I am holding you back.
I don’t want to, cause I know how much
You need this. I want this for you as well.
So I gathered all my strength to tell you
A lie.
“I’m not crying, it’s just cold out here.”
A lie that I know you wouldn’t buy.
You still comforted me.
How could I not love you more and more?
You had given me a promise
That your heart will always be with me.
That I am and will remain your ‘home’.
I begged for you not to finish the statement,
Because you know how much I would believe.
And you knew how many times
I’d been broken in the past
Because I believed.
No matter how much I wanted to repeatedly hear it—
Let’s just see how it goes…
Fly my butterfly…
Steal my heart away.
Keep it, save it for your rainy days.
For even if I have it with me,
Without you near, life’s gone astray.
Fly and steal my heart away.
Earlier I cried.
Because what’s worse than being 'nomadic' on the outside
Is being ‘homeless' within.