Confession of a Vagabond

Folder: 
2010-2012 Poems

Earlier, I cried.



I cried because I was happy talking with you on the phone.

You told me about a great news:

Finally you’re going to get the job opportunity

Both of us were anticipating…

I am so happy for you- this is going to be your big break;

A great leap, a life changing one.

I am so excited.



Yet I know deep within that it will entail you

To move to another place,

Twice as far as we already are.

We said we’d find ways to be together.

I want to believe that it is just that easy,

That it is possible.

But I have had a reality check-

And I am scared that the chances to do so

Would be as often as the passing

Of Halley’s comet.

I wish I am just being cynical,

But our situation isn’t hypothetical.



I cried because the majestic moon

And the city lights below from where I sat

Were so beautiful and breath-taking.

I have never felt so small.

I cried because I felt like a lost kitten

In this big, nasty world.

I felt like a stranger with a mission,

Moving everywhere, faster than the season.

My life’s been blessed with perks:

Making a difference to other’s lives-

Fulfillment and adventure,

But with a price of being sporadic and nomadic-

What the heck am I doing?



I coughed and choked, trying hard to hold the sobs.

You asked me if I was crying.

You know me.

Yet I don’t want you to feel

That I am holding you back.

I don’t want to, cause I know how much

You need this. I want this for you as well.

So I gathered all my strength to tell you

A lie.

“I’m not crying, it’s just cold out here.”

A lie that I know you wouldn’t buy.

You still comforted me.

How could I not love you more and more?



You had given me a promise

That your heart will always be with me.

That I am and will remain your ‘home’.

I begged for you not to finish the statement,

Because you know how much I would believe.

And you knew how many times

I’d been broken in the past

Because I believed.

No matter how much I wanted to repeatedly hear it—

Let’s just see how it goes…



Fly my butterfly…

Steal my heart away.

Keep it, save it for your rainy days.

For even if I have it with me,

Without you near, life’s gone astray.

Fly and steal my heart away.



Earlier I cried.

Because what’s worse than being 'nomadic' on the outside

Is being ‘homeless' within.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

~(c)jerlin 28Aug10

Written in Penang Island.

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