I am too numb to feel anything
But this pain of nothingness.
Of not knowing what to do
Or what I am doing with my life.
Everything in my life seems okay,
Except me.
Which makes everything
So out of control.
I used to make things happen.
Now, I am immobile.
I am missing a lot,
Wasting a lot.
Spoiling myself,
I could rot here sitting all day.
Put me in the trash bag,
And throw me away.
Sometimes I want to slap myself hard,
To justify my indulgences and apathy.
Or numb me from my own stupidity.
But even that is a stupid thing to do.
Silent, cold tears of my heart,
Piercing though this empty soul.
Anger, regrets, guilt, frustrations.
Freezing me. I could break into pieces.
What have I become? I don’t know.
I used to be the highway…
Now I am the rolling wheels.
Too much insanity? Stop it.
The warrior princess of many,
Has become the “ballerina in the music box.”
Dancing in a sad symphony, trapped in her own world.
I am supposed to be smiling- BUT I AM NOT.