I seldom find the time to try.
As each day grows darker with the coming winter, I too, find my once brilliant and bright and blazing will, diminishing.
With every passing day I know that while I cannot will myself to grow, I cannot will myself to die either.
Every day, I find myself growing colder and colder. I boil my body in an effort to feel heat, some form of warm, some hot water’s breath to breathe life back into me.
I often feel trapped in a body that was never meant for me. Like my life was just on loan and that some day I will have to give it back. And all the while I don’t want the life I was given I find myself looking for the Refunds and Exchanges Desk, the only one I ever find there is Death. Covered in tattoos and teeth yellowed and a smiled that stretched for miles as I approached, I stop.
I hate this life that I signed for without reading the fine print.