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Painted on mask
How do you know when it's time to give up?
When nothing's going right and you can't even love.
Everything you've known is violence and abuse
People ask you what's wrong
"I'm just tired" is always your excuse.
But in reality your numb to the world
The pills and the booze are your strongest muse
To ignite the thoughts of tying that noose
You don't know where to go
You don't know how to feel
All you feel is pain
Hiding scars that'll never heal
Who do you turn to, when all else fails?
Mother says your in a phase
Doctor says your clinically insane
"You have a chemical imbalance in your brain."
So who do you go to? Nobody really cares. Sick of thsee racing thoughts, sick of being here. sick of this nightmare sick of these last 7 years. Can't turn to therapists they just want your money, people discourage drugs but it's the only thing that numbs me. Got a little brother, he's only 13, I've been raising him since he was only 3. He has so much to learn, to experience in life, I just pray he keeps strong and puts up a fight. He deserves the world and to be loved and adored, Id give him the moon and stars but my mom won't let me see him anymore. I've got so many problems that nobody can see, some written on my veins the others I don't speak.
How do you hold on, to the people that are good? When your so lost and obliviously misunderstood.
People reach out, they try and love you, but your so far gone you pull away when they hug you.
Don't like to be touched, due to issues in your past, you walk around with a smile, just like a painted on mask.
Being happy feels so wrong, only happiness I feel is when I'm hitting a bong, the smoke in my lungs is what keeps me so strong.
So light it up and exhale ,then pass it along.
Hello Ilena. It's a very
Hello Ilena. It's a very difficult undertaking to begin one's life all over again when there has been any kind of trauma...or strings of trauma, as it appears in your case. It is not, however, impossible. It would be absolutely a normal reaction for someone to fall into a depression. Half of the battle, is knowing and admitting that the depression is there. Therapists are people who also need to support themselves, so your statement about them wanting money is on point, I think. On the other hand, those who are both professional and ethical are very hard to find it seems, and so I empathize with your search for help. Truth is, no therapist in this world is going to make you better no matter how cheap they are or how professional or how ethical. A good therapist will tell this right off the bat, so if you get one that tells you that...hang on. All the answers are in you...not the doctor. All they are there for is to assist in helping to inspire you to want to delve into yourself to begin to make sense of your life up until this point. It is a process of piecing the past together with the present...and understanding yourself enough to learn how you arrived at this depressive state of mind, so that you can help prevent using the maladaptive coping skills you learned throughout your childhood traumas. It can be done. Anyone who tells you it can't be done and that you will never get better...in my opinion...personally...they are just jealous because they don't see it in their future for them.
Hang tough. Pat yourself on the back. You made it this far. You have enough wits about you, obviously to know when to ask for help. Keep looking for a therapist or doctor that you feel you may be able to trust....medication is not all bad and has a use..especially where depression is concerned, but research drugs before you take anything. There are some old medications they know about ....they have used them and they have worked for years and years...and then there are new ones. The new ones are basically "guinea pig" meds. Doctors get them free sometimes as promotional drugs from pharmaceutical companies and they "try them out" on patients. That is where studies come from and many times docs get paid to assist with the study...so be responsible and do your research. As I said...there are good uses for the meds. When you are so depressed you don't want to talk about what is eating you, antidepressants can really give you a boost.
Signed,
Been there done that.
Be well! Choose to get well!! You can do it!!!!
Hugs.
...and he asked her, "do you write poetry? Because I feel as if I am the ink that flows from your quill."
"No", she replied, "but I have experienced it. "
hi
HI. I'm sorry you've been through so much and feel like drugs are your only outlet. I wish you could find a therapist you felt comfortable talking to and had a foundation of trust. It would really help you. I think you need to go to a Mental Health Clinic too and they can figure out medicine to help yoiu feel like living. ?There's a lot to be grateful for, things to look forward to, and positive outlets. Your brother is worth fighting to live for. Find things that inspire you and make you feel better like praying, music, writing, walks, etc. Good luck.