PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

 I miss my smile too. Been having a real hard time lately as I feel like I have lost myself. And I keep blaming myself because I can't quit smoking under stress. I'm sure that's a copout. I have this crazy belief that the universe has been punishing me cus I haven't stopped yet. However, as stated, the stress is just too much these days. I don't know how I'm gonna do it without wanting to lash out at everybody around me. I know already how intense it is to quit. And I don't want to take it out on the people I care about. Ugh! I just want to laugh and have some fun but even when given opportunity, like this past weekend, I just can't seem to pull myself out of this funk. Blah. Aren't you glad you wrote? Its annoying to me when I respond like this. But I'm in no mood to bullshit and say I'm fine. Even if I want to bullshit myself into thinking I'm fine. Well maybe if we break it down to Fuckedup insecure neurotic and emotional. Definitely that. I feel immobilized in every way. Completely and utterly unmotivated. Maybe cuz it's hot outside. But this has gone on for more than days. And I don't know how to get out of my own way.