Wallow in my self-toil
My feet stick like rock in cement
Yet I push forward.
With each step toward immaculate
Disorder I am thrown
Against the wall of my own
Melancholy world only to find
That I stand twixt that which
I seek, that which I desire,
That which I have and that
Which is unobtainable,
And place on each of their graves
A single grain of sand.
Each night I sleep,
Each day I wake and desire
Simply to know why.
When a worlds burden is placed upon
My shoulders, I smile
And do my best to bear the weight.
When a barrel is placed against
My temple I remain
A breeze in the world.
Yet, when I find no weight
When I lack that pressure
When I find that there is no
Outside to my inner dwelling,
It is at this point that I realize
I see
I truly understand
That what I am doing is not preparing a
Foundation on which
My life is to be built
Upon in the future,
But am building something else.
With each grain of sand
I place on those four
Graves, the four winds,
The four corners of the earth,
With each handful of
Inequities,
With each desire,
With each necessity,
With each Emotion
I find that I am taking one-step closer
To building that final destination.
At last it is realized,
That final resting place for all of my
Shattered dreams and hopes,
The graveyard for smile
And birth place to self loathing
And mastication of the soul.
Behold my personal glorious revolution,
Revolution of the mind
Of the soul,
Of awareness and lack there of.
Behold! My greatest achievement
Is simply the lack of one,
My final destination,
My grief driven project,
With each grain of sand I realize,
I am not adding to life,
Nor subtracting from death,
I’m not creating a palace
Or destroying a cathedral.
I am creating the self sufficient
I am breeding disaster
I am building upon ruins with a
Demoralized infrastructure of naught.
I am building a Desert!