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Everything was in this note with every detail she had.

From things that made her happy to things that made her sad.

She wrote the note to herself but also in a letter form.

At first it was written to make her feel better not to inform.

But as time progressed things got worse.

She felt depression suddenly immerse.

The tears started to swell and fall on the note.

She watched the words bleed as she wrote.

When she was done she pinned the note to her door.

Here’s what it said. Her life we explore.



Dear family who I love so much,



          Thanks for always being there and trying to help me get through.

But I’d like to tell you everything else. I’m sorry for being untrue.

I’ve mutilated my body. I’ve fooled around behind y’all’s backs.

I’ve told you all more lies than I have the facts.

I’ve had reps at skewl for sleeping with guys I didn’t know.

I’ve had rumors state that I was a classic ho.

Those last two weren’t true but I never spoke of them to y’all.

I also almost gave head to a guy at the mall.

It wasn’t Chris but a guy named Steve I knew on the net.

But mom grounded me for a while and we never met.

I told you I had bad ones and I told you some.

But lately I’ve broken down and I’m going to succumb.

The humiliation, the mutilation, the scars, and the pain.

I can’t take it anymore. My problems overload my brain.

It’s not only these but the verbal abuse and pushing as well.

I know you two mean it for the best and I always put you in Hell,

But I can’t take it I’m only a child and it’s too much for me.

I’m sorry that it had to come to this before you two could see.

I wish I could have told you sooner so it wouldn’t come to this.

Now I’ll leave you with my good thoughts in hope you reminisce.

Remember the times we spent on the weekends when dad was home.

And when I’d mess with Oge’s hair using that small comb.

Remember the times I made you all so proud with my little successes.

Or how I made Oba so happy when I’d put on those dresses.

Think of the times when we’d hurt because we laughed for hours.

Remember the little ‘snakes’ in the berries and the flowers.

Don’t forget the moments when we’d take afternoon sleeps.

These are the memories I want you to have for keeps.

Don’t think of what you did wrong or dwell on my death.

Don’t bother crying and waste your breathe.

It’s not cause of you. It’s because of me and my hurt.

Everyday I could feel my hear bleed through my shirt.

Either from not having a love or from even self disgust.

It was also too much to not have someone to trust.

I love you all I hope you know that now.

I didn’t say it much so here’s my vow.

I love you helping family I cherish.

But now it’s my time for me to perish.

Your daughter and big or little sister forever,

Nani





Inspired by: An actual note of mine

Created on: June 28, 2005