There’s so many things that I want to say.
But I’m afraid to admit them all right now.
I’m afraid once I do they’ll start to decay.
Then hurt both me and him some how.
It’s happened before I admitted a feeling.
Then something changed and it wasn’t the same.
I knew how he felt and it felt like stealing.
I said something strong then it was a game.
I don’t know how to explain such things with me.
I wish I could so I wouldn’t be so afraid.
I think it’s admitting something makes me happy.
Since I don’t want to be hurt incase I’m betrayed.
Perhaps it’s teenage growing pains?
But what if it’s something more?
What if this is something that remains?
Like a personal never ending war.
Afraid to admit, for the feelings may cease.
It’s happened before and I don’t want it again.
I think I should keep them and not release.
So I won’t have to deal with it then.
I don’t want to love or even flirt.
I don’t want it to happen with this guy.
Because he has a heart and has been hurt.
I don’t want to give him another deny.
What if I tell him and the same thing starts?
I begin to lose the feeling and it’s all a fake.
I don’t want to break both our hearts.
Because I think I love him but I can’t take the ache.
But what if it’s true?
To admit to him or not?
I don’t know what to do.
It’s such a hard thought.
Inspired by: / Dedicated to: Gerald. E. Lindberg
Created on: June 27, 2005