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There’s so many things that I want to say.

But I’m afraid to admit them all right now.

I’m afraid once I do they’ll start to decay.

Then hurt both me and him some how.



It’s happened before I admitted a feeling.

Then something changed and it wasn’t the same.

I knew how he felt and it felt like stealing.

I said something strong then it was a game.



I don’t know how to explain such things with me.

I wish I could so I wouldn’t be so afraid.

I think it’s admitting something makes me happy.

Since I don’t want to be hurt incase I’m betrayed.



Perhaps it’s teenage growing pains?

But what if it’s something more?

What if this is something that remains?

Like a personal never ending war.



Afraid to admit, for the feelings may cease.

It’s happened before and I don’t want it again.

I think I should keep them and not release.

So I won’t have to deal with it then.



I don’t want to love or even flirt.

I don’t want it to happen with this guy.

Because he has a heart and has been hurt.

I don’t want to give him another deny.



What if I tell him and the same thing starts?

I begin to lose the feeling and it’s all a fake.

I don’t want to break both our hearts.

Because I think I love him but I can’t take the ache.



But what if it’s true?

To admit to him or not?

I don’t know what to do.

It’s such a hard thought.





Inspired by: / Dedicated to: Gerald. E. Lindberg

Created on: June 27, 2005