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poem_040_What_Am_I_to_Do
We started talking and I became more attracted.
But there’s a new guy in my life, yet I still feel for you.
As soon as I talk to you I’m immediately extracted,
From the world around me and I’m sometimes untrue.
You changed my life and made me who I am today.
You were the one I first loved I’m beginning to see.
I had thought our relationship had started to decay.
I didn’t think you wanted anything to do with me.
A few days ago I told you of how much I hurt.
You offered me some consoling advice.
When I heard this I should have been alert.
And now I see you were being concise.
You were saying a lot in just a few phrases.
This is exactly what I know you did.
And now my hearts back in our blazes,
Which I thought were out but heavens forbid.
I had found out that you wanted something more.
But why did you tell me when I was with someone new?
I can’t believe you wanted us to be together like before!
Why not sooner so I could tell you I did too?
Such a fool I was not to notice it the moment we started up again.
How could I have not with all your attention and generosity?
Why is it, why was it, always so hard for me to see it THEN?
And because of my stupidity I’m back in this curiosity.
How come? What to do? What if? Why now?
All these questions arise when I found out the truth.
Sometimes I wished the feelings for you I could disavow.
This confusion is too much for me to handle in my youth.
I waited, and waited, and waited to see if you’d come around.
Wishing and hoping everyday you’d finally ask me out.
I guess in your own way you were but they were too profound.
Because I never realized it and I went a different route.
So here I am confused and trying to settle my mind.
Do I stay with this new guy, or reclaim my love with you?
Every thing's happening so fast and it’s all intertwined!
I feel like giving up and stopping… what am I to do?
Inspired by: / dedicated to: William Todd
Created on: June 1, 2005
