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It feels like I’m dying
It so hard to breathe
My hands shake
Tears stream my sweaty face
I’m coughing up yellow stuff
I think about just ending it myself
I wrestle with my emotions
I cough again
I hate it

I can’t take it anymore
It’s impossible for one person
To be in so much pain and survive
If I don’t die
It will be a miracle
I lay in bed
Trying to talk
But they say I need rest
So I write instead
I’m not allowed to move

I can barely eat
I’m losing weight
I never thought of how I would die
Maybe I should have
I can’t die
I’m only 12 years old
It’s not my time

I cough up yellow stuff again
This pain is starting to get on my nerves
I’ve never done it before
But I am preying
I need to stay here
I need to keep this family together
If I leave it will ruin everything

I heard my Grandad’s voice last night
It must have been a dream
He died when I was 1
I still remember the night he died
I dreamt he was holding my hand
Standing beside me
Smiling at me and telling me he was fine

I don’t want to be that person
I don’t want to be alone
I know he’ll be there
I know they’ll miss me
I can’t bare this pain

I pass out and wake an hour later
I’m delirious and can’t understand
What they say
So instead I give up
And stay asleep until I’m better
Again I cough and struggle to breathe.

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