PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

It's funny how my mind protects itself. Sometimes, I just expect to send you a message, no problem. When I go visit back home, I sometimes wonder if I'll see you there, shoving away the knowledge that I won't. It isn't easy, and it isn't hard: it just is. I think that's the worst. If it's easy or hard, it means its conquerable. Now? Now it just exists, solid and unmoving. I can't get around it, so I just ignore it, yet I'm still stuck. Passing time doesn't mean anything anymore. All it means is thinking of where you'd be right now. It kills me. It's like internally suffocating, but not being able to die. Everybody I loved is gone now and I'm still here, unmoving and unchanging. Sometimes I wonder if you see what this did to me if you'd reconsider. I just wish you could know, once and for all that I wasn't the one who let go. I'm not the one who said you were just a good friend, I'm the one who feels like a piece of my soul is gone. We're too alike. But I still pretend; it's the only way I live. I pretend that I'm still not good enough for you, and that you're off making your way in the world. I pretend that I can still be spiteful and rude. It's like my whole life is a dream, and I'll wake up on Mother's Day 2008 and everything will be how it was. I am the great pretender. Because this is the only way I can keep breathing. 

I see how people look at me, and I know that I just don't care about much. I know that the spark that was in my eyes has been extinguished. I realise that I look like hell. But nothing is important anymore, because the most important things are gone. What could be worse than this? I suppose I know that I've hit my limit, and it would kill me to add anymore. But that's what I thought when I lost you, I thought that I'd already had enough in life. I was positive anything else would kill me: and it nearly did. Sometimes it still feels like I can't breath, and my heart can't possibly keep pumping. But it does, and I suppose it will for much longer than I want it to, or expect it to.