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Why?
Jesus endured it all, so why can't I?
But when everything comes my way, all I ask is 'why?'
Why so much to bear all at the same time?
Why does everyone judge me like I committed a crime?
What did I do to deserve all of this?
Why can't I ever dwell in my own bliss?
Why do things go the way that they do?
Maybe so I could learn some lessons and find my way through.
So I could call on God and ask Him for help
And no longer endure the pain I inflict on myself
How I lie and steal and bring people down
And now
I am left here to drown
in my emotions, that never get to escape.
When did I develop such a horrible trait?
When did I transform from a human to a beast?
When did my demons catch up with me and devour me as their feast?
What have I done? What mess did I create,
To turn into this monster? please someone sedate
me and save me from this world
I no longer wanna be the same old girl
I wanna be the Neicy no one has ever met.
Running from the lies, the deceit, the hurt and regret.
All the sorrow I wish would just go away,
the constant ridicule I endure everyday.
I'm the joke of the week, no the joke of the month and year
Didn't know everyone would suddenly make me steer
into something I thought I'd never be.
All I want is someone to care about me.
The me that wakes up most days and hates myself,
the girl who grew up never having any wealth.
Please wake me up from this nightmare, all the terror and the fright,
so I can sleep calmly in the middle of the night.
So I can return from this horrible life
and live without all the pain and strife.
My heart, constantly crying real deep inside.
My smile, no longer lives where it used to reside.
My mind, very chaotic and fighting hysterically
my soul, I feel no longer lives with me.
I wanna be confident and say this is all part
of the struggle I must get through to have a better heart.
This me, this Neicy that no one knows,
is feeling a great sense of neglect and sorrow.
I have no one to blame but me, myself and I
and if it weren't a sin, I would take my life and die.
I've allowed others to make me feel this way,
but like I said it's my fault,
I BLAME ME today
For deception, confusion, hurt and pain
adultery, sin, time and time again
These are the very thoughts of me when no one's around
But I'm not done yet, I still have a ways to go down
Neicy, you're dumb, stupid and confused,
all you're ever be in life is abused,
Taken advantage of and taken for granted
I don't wanna stay here but I'm rooted and deeply planted
I hide behind my smile, my shades and words
I run from the past and things that cause me to hurt
Feel all my pain, Feel what I feel for a while
Then you'll know what's wrong with me and why I always just smile
Smile when I'm hurt, smile to hide the pain
Hoping to reveal why I feel all this strain
on my heart that bleeds, bleeds, bleeds
from the people that keep stabbing it
Is this really as bad as a bad habit can get?
I think I'll quit and let myself die,
with the lingering question that still burns,
Why?
