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Dear Mama
Dear Mama,
Thanks for turning countless Boys II Men, little girls into women
My plan is always to show you that you are appreciated
You made me a fierce woman who built empires
I’d be lyin [lion] if I failed to mentioned your attributes weren’t a mashup of Rochelle & OG Aunt Viv
Dear Mama, It was always quite Claire [clear] that you were the Huxtable-sition [juxtaposition] of all the greats
My relationship with her was as complicated as it was beautiful.
She was me and I her.
Before she gave birth to me, she had an identify that was completely consumed by our relationship
It was completely for my benefit that to her detriment our bond become strictly transactional
What seemed to be forged forevers and much too much guidance
And then… she was gone
She was no longer that beautiful, quiet being… anymore
She reduced herself to my need & use of her
That woman made herself all I could ever need since I relied on her solely to provide for me
But who she is now is a dichotomy that neither of us recognize
She was softly strong, rightly wrong and forever longed to renew her face without her mask on
Her diminishing features gave me permission to be everything she no longer was
She constantly emptied out her cup to keep my ever insatiable thirst for success hydrated
Filled my cup with limitless love and kept me overflowed
I’m overjoyed by my crazy, stupid, lovely bond with her
I couldn’t trust her completely but I could tell her anything
I witnessed her erasing the evidence that would convict me then stand in the courtroom and plead my case
Dear Mama,
Each year, I watched in fear as you gave more pieces of yourself away to make me the woman I am today
I long to belong amongst the queens you once represented
Who were made of clams, coal and seeds, all to make us pearls, diamonds and harvest for the future
Dear Mama, you made delicacies out of struggle cuisine all while fulfilling everyone but yourself
Y’all she was so selfless when she could be selfish
But she chose to play tug o’ war with my inexperience while molding my unintelligence with wisdom
In the end we’re so much more the same than different
Dear Mama, It’s the hardest trying to do all this without you
Without your hand to hold during the greatest failures that life would do its best to serve
My plates being every single thing you tried to get me to devour that I wasn’t fond of
I would give anything to have that moment back
To have you back
By my side,
To have our relationship in the physical form
I speak to memory, to loss and to longing
Thank you
For the beauty,
The patience,
the strength
and most of all
the love
My…. Dear Mama.
