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STERN TALK WITH A DUTCH WHORE
I was talking
with a Dutch prostitute
in Amsterdam
(I had finished early
and still had
some time left)
so I was telling her
about my fondness
for the great bluesmen
like Rev. Gary Davis
and Lightnin’ Hopkins
and she asks me,
“Do you masturbate a lot, yes?”
And I’m like
“Well, I, um, what do you mean?”
(she had already been paid
so I guess
it was quite okay
for her to talk like this)
“Guys that listen
to music like that
usually spend a lot of time
whacking off.”
“Well,” I responded,
“I, uh, I never really
thought about it much.”
“Don’t be offended.
I don’t mean anything
by it.
I was just saying.”
“Well, what constitutes a lot?”
I asked,
“Once a day, once a week,
or even twice a day?”
“Twice a day is a lot.”
“Well, I gulp,
“I—where did you come up
with this idea anyway?”
“You’re not answering
the question, ya?”
“Well, ya.” I laugh,
“I guess you could say
I’m dodging the issue.”
She looks perplexed
not fully understanding
the expression, “dodging”
Okay, yeah, I’m avoiding
the issue. Us Americans
are uptight about that
except Howard Stern.”
“Who is Howard Stern?”
“Well, I’d have
to answer the first question
to answer that one.”
“You’re time is up.”
she informs me
I can’t say it wasn’t fun
but I’d damn better
learn better clock management
for future encounters
4-5-98
