NYC: train station
with Fela postponed
and time crawling
at turtle pace
& the Apple
as fucked up as ever
forgot the bottle opener
can’t indulge
in imports
such a drag
dread nightmare
scared of 2nd Street
tired of beggars
& crack dealers
& feeling desire
for any kind of woman
but in all
the poetics wear thin
at this hour
and sleep is urged
strongly urged
not yet possible
lunatics and abusers
addicts false machismo
swirls of livid ecstasy
beer drenched parties
lust filled X-rated scene
magazines and books
can’t read
or focus
nude woman sucking down
a big one
& Gloria and Andrea
talking
they don’t really
like it
& I just looking
at pictures
& observing
sex starved voyeurs
(a voyeur of voyeurs?)
not enough
but can’t complain
poet’s eye peering
keenly observing
tho fatigue
interfering
& infatuation
disturbing the pure flow
No Buddha vision
No dharma breath
No rapturous desire
just want
of a warm bed
to crash
and feeling Frost
in the miles to go
before I sleep
but not knowing
consciousness required
for hours and hours
No end in sight
countdown countdown
still so much time
and all for naught
a wasted trip
and nothing accomplished
and feeling stupid
feeling a fool
not feeling at all
and wanting
that beer
but needing
that coffee
and still white
and still uptight
and not having a gyro
and not seeing Fela
and game tomorrow
too long to go
just reaching
for poetry
not attaining it
dig deeper
wait for train
crash on train
what is done
is both known
and not known
still not seen
uninterrupted
uninterrupted
visions of NYC
and grandeur
and music and sound
and deep loneliness
in my solitary plight
with the wretched
of urban existence
walk amongst
the lepers and freaks
until I can not
tell myself apart
and just hang on
by the skin of my teeth
desperate
for morning to come
desperate
for home and bed
just desperate
to get the Hell out of here
Penn Station, NYC
1:50 AM 9-20-92