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Faith Over Self-Delusion
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Poems | 2006 and beyond I look at all the wrong and
I keep it at the forefront of my mind.
Doing this helps to keep me locked
away on the inside,
cause my fears say this is most practical,
as they work towards rationalizing
the reasons why...
...No.
I can't have this, as much as I do desire,
so I say trick feelings,
and keep myself detached
to keep
things simpler and lighter.
Can I get a cure for this feeling?
Trick myself into believing
that it's nothing, til it becomes nothing.
I got me and mine,
responsibilities to tend and
a drive to live life
regardless of the shit that kicks,
let me release the me I've tried
to depart from earlier in time.
Cultivating the rough edges
that once did me define,
gonna be me, do me and forget about
all the things I've collected
that changed the state of my mind...
...from the unsurety that has plagued
my current state
back to the source of me,
strong and unwavering in my convictions and faith.
From darkness to shine,
from an emotional wreck to just fine,
from hurting inside to a faith-filled life,
knowing what's mine will be mine
and anything but will pass in time.
What's true will be proven,
and what's not will be ruined,
light will shine a clear path
to all we need to be doing,
that which will feel to the soul
as refreshing and renewing.
So never mind the self-illusions,
I'll feel what I feel and embrace it
instead of masking and self-deluding.
I am real and so are my emotions,
so why should I trick myself and pursue the notion
that if only I numb down,
perhaps take some magical potion,
all will be well?
No, tricks don't belong in the same sentence as devotion.
I'm devoted to being true to myself
and my life as it stands.
If I must suffer to grow,
then through the fire I'll walk and
against the pressure I'll stand.
I won't apologize for feeling in depth,
nor will I lose sight of what's right,
I know it's possible to wait patiently
for something worthwhile in spite
of any pain that exists at current in life.
The complexity of a human heart and mind
allow this paradoxical state of being to exist...
...and so instead of fighting,
on acceptance I will subsist...
...for now.
