PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

It was many years ago that I felt completely alive. There is something wrong with the ebbing of time now. It seems as if, as we go on, time flows faster, but not with the excitement you'd expect in a roller-coaster. In fact, the faster it goes, the duller it appears. Responsibility into the "adult" life feels like slavery. You must do this, you must do that, else you will be miserable. What actually must we do? Educate--find a job that will pay well. The underlying message is, "If you don't get educated, you won't find a good job, which means you'll be miserable". Money has become a way to enslave others. If you can keep so many working at a level which barely feeds them, they'll comply---if ever you want to rule a country, or anyone, as long as they are fed, they won't revolt. At least, that's what a quote says--I forget who.

I'm floating, and I feel wrong. The emotion that was created by music, that fused fantasy into the world, made it seem worthwhile, is almost gone. There is a source that keeps it alive, that keeps this feeling somewhere in the back of my mind. Something that isn't routine. But here I am, stuck in the routine. The. Routine. I recall a past where I could recede into another world--at least, with the help of another. But that is not so anymore.

There are so few who let themselves feel. . . darkness? It's a comforting feeling. Dark, echoing darkness. The vastness of existence, the pure sensation of love, of the interconnected nature of everything, of meaning. What is it? Where did it go? Why is it so hard to feel it again?

My intelligence and emotional stability has increased beyond levels I could never have imagined. I am being sucked into wanting to test it, to go to the formal "new" IQ tests and see what I am capable of. But for what? To show what? Recognition?
I suppose so.

I want to be able to talk back and forth between all points. To take in new perspectives and shed light on it all. I am the middle. I am the center. I am both right and left.

Yet, I see nothing ahead. I see dullness. Excitement gone.

I listen to the music, to times gone, experiences that felt like a surreal paradise, of a time when love felt so pure--that it had the ability to let us escape into another world.

That world is dark, and empty. I walk its streets, watching the memories play out.

I was an idiot. Immature. Completely. It was how things had to go. There is no choice in anything. Choice implies free will. Free will implies chaos. We are not chaos--the universe is, but we are not. Eventually we will go back to chaos. Death. We will be apart of it all again, and eventually sink back into darkness.

Does the cycle continue? Do memories live? Are we reborn, to replay, to relive each moment again?

Is infinity so cruel?

To answer each question, only more questions are raised. Infinity means there is no answer---only more questions.

I feel stuck. Stuck in a moment. If there was a way to travel, at least, in consciousness, back and forth in time, it would amazing. Of course, that means you could be the prodigy child, knowing everything in your adult life...

But then paradoxes could arise. Yet, paradox simply means a straight line--that there is one answer. But infinity, the abstract idea that breaks apart reality, could justify that sort of existence.
Infinity.
Is there a limit?

Could I go back? Relive such fantastical moments in life?

Deep down, in the back of my mind, lay the memories. Eating away, screaming, that this should not be reality. That this should not be the way of the world.

I'm told I'm an old soul. Not by one. Not by two. Not by three. But, all across my lifetime. Random encounters, strangers, new people, friends, anybody and everybody recognizes this quality.

How do they know? What is that feeling that I portray?

Why?

The ultimate question.

Why.

I don't know where my thoughts will take me. Maybe a journey. Maybe, an alternate reality, where things may have been.
Maybe to the fantasy land, where I could reclaim my existence, as it should be.

Where two could be one, and the world of eternal darkness, is forever, and always, comforting, evolving, pure, and chaos contained.