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These Words I Write
These words I write...musings of a wandering soul
Unfulfilled and unsatisfied
caught between confusion and doubt, and in another prespective, it all sounds trite.
Feet planted, but thoughts adrift, I feel no direction
When did life begin to feel devoid of excitement?
Only passing moments like these make me question...what is wrong and what is right?
I want so badly to return to the days of La Mer Rouge, where the world was my oyster, the future unwritten, waiting to be explored
I am not old to have planted roots and never leave
I am not young and naive
perhaps I am somewhere in the middle, exactly the perfect place to be
questioning my future, questioning my existence, questioning what it is I want from life
for me, and for my children
Is it wrong to want to explore? Wander, admire, and breathe the air of life abroad?
Is it wrong to want roots but not the ones that tether me?
Is it wrong to follow art, freedom, and exploring?
How can I do this? and do what is right?
Are they juxtaposed?
Mutually Exclusive?
Am I just distracted? Taken by the glitter around me? A mirage that suddenly disappears when you have arrived?
All my life I felt the butterflies, but not knowing for what?
There is a scent, a feeling, an aura that feels almost familiar. Feels like home
But I don't know where it is, why I recognize it, or what I am to be searching for to find it
I have glimpses of it, at times, and know that it holds my future
But I do not know if it lies in this world or the next
I am overflowing, filled to the brim, with passion for something and I don't know how to reach it
Writing has always been my peace, my remedy, my breath of fresh, sea, life giving air
Almost as though I can take myself to any place I wish to be
with just a pen and paper
I can submerge myself in the free metaphysical dream land that I yearn for
Can I ever reach it in location? Is there such a place?
It's as though I am overwhelmed by the inner turmoil of trying to detach myself from this world to reach a goal that will serve me in another life
but feeling that the mundane existence of just robotically fulfilling duties is taking me further away from the spirituality that I know will help me reach that goal.
We are sociable creatures, us humans, and I miss the days that brought me with like minded individuals, working collectively, or perhaps paralleled, on a project, with a goal, with a foreseeable finish line.
I know not what I mean with the words that I write. I only know that something is amiss. Something isn't right.
It is a time in my life that I am quesitoning my existence, my purpose, and the path I wish to choose.
Trying to assess how to align my goals and my passions.
I feel almost as if I need some validation
Some recognition
Some sense of belonging with like minded individuals
I love everyone around me, each with their unique qualities.
I admire the diversity
But I am living in a world that does not belong to me
No desires, no goals, just surviving day to day
Where is the passion?
Where do I go from here?
