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My soon to be wife asked me about.....
So what do you believe...You so have to tell me. Im interested
[1:07:01 AM] Christopher Oakley: Well... hmmmm...
[1:08:02 AM] Christopher Oakley: I believe... that... there is a something... that can become very in your face and undeniable... and that it's a benevolent and often kind expression...
[1:08:25 AM] Christopher Oakley: that serves to teach you... in fact... move you around at times...
[1:08:28 AM] Christopher Oakley: with a very
[1:08:35 AM] Christopher Oakley: undeniable purpose... and meaning.
[1:08:42 AM] Christopher Oakley: and that when you know that...
[1:08:47 AM] Christopher Oakley: and acknowledge it...
[1:08:54 AM] Christopher Oakley: on your knees... with tears...
[1:09:01 AM] Christopher Oakley: you only hope it's not too late...
[1:09:17 AM] Christopher Oakley: and you spend the rest of your life knowing... that what happens... will happen...
[1:09:24 AM] Christopher Oakley: and it takes away the worry
[1:09:31 AM] Christopher Oakley: but keeps you very on point
[1:09:40 AM] Christopher Oakley: of your actions... and the feelings you
[1:09:47 AM] Christopher Oakley: can tend to let escape you...
[1:09:52 AM] Christopher Oakley: it gives you...
[1:09:54 AM] Christopher Oakley: a
[1:10:00 AM] Christopher Oakley: Mindfull... awareness....
[1:10:11 AM] Christopher Oakley: and great compassion and love for the horror
[1:10:20 AM] Christopher Oakley: that is so often the Human Condition.
[1:10:26 AM] Christopher Oakley: and you tend to only...
[1:10:33 AM] Christopher Oakley: want to spend the remaining time...
[1:10:37 AM] Christopher Oakley: lessening...
[1:10:39 AM] Christopher Oakley: pain...
[1:10:57 AM] Christopher Oakley: for the one's around you... that... are stuck in this horror as well...
[1:11:05 AM] Christopher Oakley: and without giving in...
[1:11:11 AM] Christopher Oakley: to the overwhelming desire...
[1:11:15 AM] Christopher Oakley: to slit your own throat.
[1:11:29 AM] Christopher Oakley: something like that...
[1:11:35 AM] Christopher Oakley: but much more as well...
[1:11:42 AM] Christopher Oakley: I would have to write it down...
[1:11:45 AM] Christopher Oakley: with the many
[1:11:55 AM] Christopher Oakley: annecdotal... memories...
[1:12:01 AM] Christopher Oakley: and that is why
[1:12:05 AM] Christopher Oakley: I have a reminder...
[1:12:08 AM] Christopher Oakley: on my back.
[1:12:12 AM] Christopher Oakley: That I cannot
[1:12:15 AM] Christopher Oakley: ever
[1:12:18 AM] Christopher Oakley: escape...
[1:12:22 AM] Christopher Oakley: or
[1:12:24 AM] Christopher Oakley: forget...
[1:12:30 AM] Christopher Oakley: and why... in fact...
[1:12:39 AM] Christopher Oakley: I have many... if not aLL... of the
[1:12:42 AM] Christopher Oakley: markings on my body...
[1:12:49 AM] Christopher Oakley: a testament...
[1:12:53 AM] Christopher Oakley: of sorts...
[1:12:58 AM] Christopher Oakley: and incomplete...
[1:13:03 AM] Christopher Oakley: as we always must be...
[1:13:08 AM] Christopher Oakley: until we are released...
[1:13:13 AM] Christopher Oakley: or taken...
[1:13:23 AM] Christopher Oakley: which amounts to the same thing really...
[1:13:36 AM] Christopher Oakley: and it's evidenced...
[1:13:42 AM] Christopher Oakley: all throughout my life...
[1:13:52 AM] Christopher Oakley: and in all the people I have been gifted enough
[1:13:55 AM] Christopher Oakley: to love...
[1:14:05 AM] Christopher Oakley: no matter the eventual outcome...
[1:14:10 AM] Christopher Oakley: those moments...
[1:14:17 AM] Christopher Oakley: are I will have...
[1:14:20 AM] Christopher Oakley: at the end...
[1:14:25 AM] Christopher Oakley: and I know...
[1:14:31 AM] Christopher Oakley: I will not be alone...
[1:14:36 AM] Christopher Oakley: because I will have...
[1:14:43 AM] Christopher Oakley: those memories...
[1:14:56 AM] Christopher Oakley: all at once.. .and they will settle at the last moment...
[1:15:02 AM] Christopher Oakley: on my son...
[1:15:06 AM] Christopher Oakley: and the very last moment...
[1:15:09 AM] Christopher Oakley: on you.
[1:15:13 AM] Christopher Oakley: You...
[1:15:15 AM] Christopher Oakley: are my...
[1:15:20 AM] Christopher Oakley: PROOF.
[1:15:26 AM] Christopher Oakley: and that makes me....
[1:15:33 AM] Christopher Oakley: "gods" Dog...
[1:15:37 AM] Christopher Oakley: and happily so.
[1:15:44 AM] Christopher Oakley: as I have been moved...
[1:15:51 AM] Christopher Oakley: to my face in the dirt...
[1:15:58 AM] Christopher Oakley: in submission...
[1:16:01 AM] Christopher Oakley: and with NO...
[1:16:09 AM] Christopher Oakley: animmosity... to who or what
[1:16:13 AM] Christopher Oakley: has put me there...
[1:16:17 AM] Christopher Oakley: and then...
[1:16:21 AM] Christopher Oakley: given...
[1:16:27 AM] Christopher Oakley: everything I need... or could want...
[1:16:30 AM] Christopher Oakley: always...
[1:16:35 AM] Christopher Oakley: at just the right moment...
[1:16:40 AM] Christopher Oakley: and often...
[1:16:44 AM] Christopher Oakley: right before...
[1:16:52 AM] Christopher Oakley: certain and undeniable...
[1:16:55 AM] Christopher Oakley: death.
[1:16:59 AM] Christopher Oakley: So... I am a TOOL...
[1:17:05 AM] Christopher Oakley: in the strictist sense...
[1:17:10 AM] Christopher Oakley: and I am just grateful...
[1:17:16 AM] Christopher Oakley: for what I have been granted....
[1:17:24 AM] Christopher Oakley: in my darkest pleadings and moments...
[1:17:28 AM] Christopher Oakley: and moved to tears...
[1:17:32 AM] Christopher Oakley: too often...
[1:17:35 AM] Christopher Oakley: by what I have seen around me...
[1:17:41 AM] Christopher Oakley: and it's beauty...
[1:17:57 AM] Christopher Oakley: Pretty much anyway... if I had to give a short answer.
[1:19:06 AM] Christopher Oakley: and then I'm mostly just grateful... and in awe...
[1:19:19 AM] Christopher Oakley: that I am even given... these moments of relif...
[1:19:21 AM] Christopher Oakley: relief
[1:19:30 AM] Christopher Oakley: with love... and kindness around me...
[1:19:31 AM] Christopher Oakley: even
[1:19:38 AM] Christopher Oakley: a wretch... such as I am...
[1:19:41 AM] Christopher Oakley: but I know...
[1:19:43 AM] Christopher Oakley: there is still..
[1:19:52 AM] Christopher Oakley: a Reckoning... and I accept that too...
[1:20:49 AM] Christopher Oakley: and I will die with pleasure...
[1:20:58 AM] Christopher Oakley: if it I am granted my last wish...
[1:21:07 AM] Christopher Oakley: which is to do that... saving someone else's life...
[1:21:15 AM] Christopher Oakley: but I won't complain...
[1:21:18 AM] Christopher Oakley: when it comes...
[1:21:26 AM] Christopher Oakley: because I have had a...
[1:21:41 AM] Christopher Oakley: full... and lovely... experience... despite the horror...
[1:21:47 AM] Christopher Oakley: and I can see that no more clearly...
[1:21:59 AM] Christopher Oakley: than when I look into your eyes... in your pictures...
[1:22:01 AM] Christopher Oakley: every day...
[1:22:17 AM] Christopher Oakley: and then....
[1:22:26 AM] Christopher Oakley: I only... beg... and beg... and plead...
[1:22:31 AM] Christopher Oakley: for just a little more...
[1:22:36 AM] Christopher Oakley: just one...
[1:22:38 AM] Christopher Oakley: more...
[1:22:40 AM] Christopher Oakley: day...
[1:22:52 AM] Christopher Oakley: the rest
[1:22:56 AM] Christopher Oakley: resolves down...
[1:22:59 AM] Christopher Oakley: to pure...
[1:23:04 AM] Christopher Oakley: humility...
[1:23:10 AM] Christopher Oakley: and more than a little shame...
[1:23:12 AM] Christopher Oakley: and guilt...
[1:23:21 AM] Christopher Oakley: that I cannot or have not yet...
[1:23:24 AM] Christopher Oakley: done enough...
[1:23:28 AM] Christopher Oakley: for others...
[1:23:33 AM] Christopher Oakley: period.
[1:23:38 AM] Christopher Oakley: still with me?
[1:27:04 AM] Christopher Oakley: that's my short answer...
