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I have been allotted a time and place

in HIS life

I never askeed for devotion

nor do i want it,

but i want to be more than

a SCHEDULED activity....

i feel as special as

A THREE CREDIT COURSE

but who am i to complain

I'm LUCKY he found time to notice me

- aren't I?

But REALLY, to what avail?



To open a door with a

12 midnight to 7.45 shift system

(mostly sleeping) ahhhh...

but the sex is good, right?

Maybe my priorities are wrong,

but should that matter?

As he's leaving in May

(As early as he can possibly get a flight

out of this ANTHROPOLOGICAL PARADISE)

I shouldn't feel so bad.

it's my fault i got so attached

it's my fault i need more

and it's the universe i blame

for it not being granted.



He is BLAMELESS and so

fucking organised- he's on a mission

AND WILL NOT YIELD

not even a little

not even for love.

But he does not love,

he appreciates-

ergo the contradiction.



So i have had time made for me

he's taking a break from the real world

and is going on HOLIDAY at

my house- in my bed

Quel domage...



Thank God (or the ungod that isn't)

that i can sing and paint

and provide significant amusement

otherwise I'd figure that it was only

the sex and the quietude of my neighbourhood

(both condusive to sleep).



I am his respite.



I feel used, not loved

I feel secondary- incidental

I don't feel special

I don't feel adored

I feel like a well loved

extracurricular activity.

and i hate us both for it.



i wish i were the one

calling the shots...

I'd make him feel it too.

BUt only for a little bit

Because sadly enough, I'm in love



with a traveller...