PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

god im so fuckin stupid

why do i do these things?

my intention was only to cause me pain

but no, it spread, like a bad disease

infecting you, coming back again on me

please know how sorry i am

i swear i never meant to hurt you

but people often do things they dont mean

please know that it was nothing you did

and im sorry i didnt try harder to hold on

what can i say?

im a screw up, my head is twisted,

i thought the pain would replace the tears

i thought the physical pain would replace the emotional abuse

but it didnt.

and again, im wrong.

im wrong, and this time it hurts so much

it hurt me when it bled, it hurt me when you saw it

it hurts when i hide it from the ones i love

please know that i love you

please know that i care

please know that i wasnt trying to leave you

please dont ever forget me

i havent felt this guilty

not in quite a while

the guilt sets in when i try to hide

every time i see the disappointment in your eyes

that hurts worse than any physical pain ever could

for your eyes not to shine

for you not to look at me and smile

you say its ok, but i know its not

in my heart i knew it was wrong

but my heart had been stepped on moments before

it couldnt feel for those few crimson moments

i knew in my mind it was stupid

but clouds blocked out anything bright

the only thought repeating itself

told me i deserved it

hearing those words repeating in my head

they made me believe it

hey daddy, let me be the one to scream for a change

or dont you want to hear this?

well, i dont really care anymore, sit down and listen up

let me pull back the stars

or dont you want to see it?

look at what you've made me do

look what ive reduced myself to

all because of you

youve done such a good job of convincing

but we all know youve got a way with words

i guess you dont want to hear it

coz you're screaming back now

further reassuring my fears

im a screw up

a reject with no life

you dont believe in me anymore, damn, that hurts

it hurts almost as much as that tiny little blade

the one that caused so much destruction

its still sitting in my room,

blood stained from that night

the only reason i tell you this

is in case you need it someday

just in case you realize what your life has become

just in case you feel the loss of the love

i always keep giving until they push me away

well you push pretty damn hard

so just remember where that blade is

just in case you realize im gone