PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

I'ma drink this henn, I’ma pop pop pop these pills and take another puff puff puff. I’ll keep this grin, but If you look deep inside me you’ll see that I'm trying to contain this beast within. Some people know that I’ve had trouble dealing with the ups and downs of my insanity but that doesn’t reverse the fact I go insane. I have this addiction of sins to contain within. Sins please begin. I’m pouring down like rain on a hot spring- summers day inside, trying to order the sun away, but I’m still crawling around on my knees till my last breath and when I stand I’m taller and harder than the trees, sun and heavens combined. Turn up the volume of your thoughts and listen to the beat of my harmonic words as I pour my emotions out like pills falling all over the floor. They fall, you freak out and realize that the fall they just took is nothing compared to the fall you could take if you don’t flush them down the toilet. Flush them down like you did to your emotions.

The minister calls me to the gates of hell, trying to reverse my sins and save me, but I’m already saved. From you, me and all the people that try to change my ways. Staying true to who I am. I’m a cult leader with the reasons for inner fate through the souls you say are evil. You’re evil if you think your ethnocentrism ways are right. Some people say I leave tracks of evil blood at my feet but I know I leave the blood of the souls that followed me into the lightful truth. Blood or blood not they thank me. Others want me to collapse and sink into into the oblivion of their ways. HELL NO! I have no tolerance for nonsense. Bring me nothing stupid. Step back -- you don’t want the beast within me to break free.

No motivation with no reason. I know I'm being things but instead I feel like I'm seeing things. Hallucinations controlling my mind, questioning if this outlet connecting to the power source flowing my mind is real. I never had much but now, oh now I know where I wanna go and I'm scarred -- sacred secret that was never told until now. Welcome to my version of life, my world. My lack of confusion seems to be my alibi. I hope I find what I'm looking for, maybe I should drink just a little more or pop pop pop off the bottle cap to my serenity and take a puff of the wonders this world has brought to my feet, waiting for me to walk on, though I know it’s not going to help. I'm fighting but I'm losing the touch of my rights and wrongs. I sometimes wish I was back to the beginning of where my addiction, depression and bloody tears flowing out of my writs, first started. The only game I know how to play. I'm so sick of having to work so hard to stay where I wanna be. If things happen for a reason then maybe I should let the darkness inside me take its course till I find the light-- just like before. For this time it’s different because then I knew what to hope for but now I have nothing to hope for because I grabbed ahold to everything I once wished for. I AM proof that once wished, nothing is either gained or lost in the sense that there's nothing to hope for because once found, you're all that you hoped to be.

Knowing exactly where I wanna go is making me not wanna know anymore because once I get there, I might change my mind or not follow through. I JUST WANNA LIVE (FOR MYSELF) AGAIN! It’s scary knowing where to go and knowing that you’re not finished because you have to keep it that way. I don't wanna die I just wanna start living and feel alive again. I’m starting to feel that I belong to a wide range of others as I pour my emotions out but I just wanna belong to myself. I’m tellin you to do wrong, only to catch the grip of what’s right. DO YOU HEAR ME! It’s the nightly stars of the night helping me to find my way and the brightly bright sun telling me to do wrong. DO WRONG! For it’s the only way to find out what’s right.