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Love You are everything I ever wanted
You got the most beautiful eyes
The most beautiful hair
Every day I think of you
When you write to me
I get a big smile on my face
And a warm feeling inside of me
I wrote our names a thousand times
Just to see yours next to mine
I'm always to shy to tell you my true feelings
Every night before I go to bed
I pray to god that everything will be fine with you
That you will be happy, no matter what
It's hurting me everyday
Not being able to tell you how I feel about you
My heart can't take the beating
Not having you close to me
I want to make you feel my love
I want to dance with you under the moonlight
I want to kiss you good night
And hold you through the night
A touching poem!
I can tell that you wrote this poem straight from your heart! My favourite verse is verse 3. It's very reassuring to know that even guys do that whole writing-her/his-name-next-to-yours :-) I like the way the poem ends. I have a suggestion for the first verse. Instead of telling us that she has the most beautiful eyes and beautiful hair, why not 'show' us? Use imagery, similie, metaphor! Are her eyes as blue as a summer sky? Is her hair as black as the night sky? Is her hair the colour of the sun? Are her eyes an ocean that you want to drown in? Is her hair a siren song that calls to your fingers and makes your fingers want to dive in and play? Just a few silly suggestions :-) My point is, show us, don't just tell us. Still, this is a good poem. Well done! :-)
Check out my poetry book - as I write it! http://lostincyberspacepoems.blogspot.com
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your comment and for your suggestion and I fully agree with you on how to improve it by showing instead of just telling.
I really appreciate you took your time to comment :)
You are very welcome :-)
Keep on writing!
Check out my poetry book - as I write it! http://lostincyberspacepoems.blogspot.com
Your honest emotion really
Your honest emotion really comes through in your writing.