Terminal

There is the buzz of excitement

and the bored business man with the five o'clock shadow

People followed by suitcases

suitcases followed by people

the metal bird fills

the doors shut

I want out now

Taxi!!!



The plane rolls away slowly

smooth move to the runway

while we are told how to fasten our seatbelts

breathe from a mask

and float on our seat

in case we plummet

to our likely death



Enjoy your flight!



I remember a recurring dream

where I stood at the top of the stairs

my father behind me

the hallway below

I jumped

arms open wide

my stomach curled up in my throat

the ground forces the air

from my lungs

I gasp...



and catch a trembling breath in my bed

unfocused for minutes

still feeling the draw of the fall

tummy tornadoe

waiting for my mind

to catch up with my small body

familiar terror that rewinds and plays

a few nights

a week.



I study the faces of the flight attendants

for any sign of fear amidst the fake and the friendly

My husband and children are trapped with me

in a metal monstrosity

The most beautiful gifts on earth

smiling and pointing at the clouds below

over coffee, peanuts and rosary beads



God our Father

Please don't let us go down

I am not afraid of the falling

that I have done

enough in my dream

but my terror whispers

of gasping for air

waking up

still feeling the draw of the fall

then

the familiar sound of snoring

it was all a dream

for I never got to leave him

at all.






















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