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1987
In the years before I was born
My mother longed for a child
A miscairrage delayed her all the while
So she wore a crown of thornes
Do you remember 1987?
A blizzard the night of the 30'th?
It raged through Dallas down from heaven
December embers grew no longer orange
White lace formed over the boat
This was really all she wrote
And time passed on a few more clicks
For Pete, Ned, Justin, Cindy, and Rick
I remember my blanket, sewn by the maid
I held it tightly, yet it frayed
I told my mother that I would pray
For God to make it whole
My faith then was perfect
Untainted by years of vanity
I had visions, I had dreams
Of what it was like in heaven
An orb of light forming opposing cones
In an underwater room
Spirits of light floating around God
This was my childhood prophecy
And the King would bring home material love
In the years to come, it's all I knew
When it was time to push, push came to shove
While the Queen gently withdrew
Yet how do you explain to a three year old
That the Maiden's mother grew too old
And slipped from life into the fold
Of Christ, and the holy ghost
When it came time to go to school
I didn't like to follow rules
I'd cry my eyes out as the Queen walked on by
When I was young, I was oh so shy
This line only I will understand
How I learned up from the sand
Volatile and abrasive
Cruel, but yet evasive
I remember my first friend
We played for hours, hours on end
A happy childhood did begin
Thus far, free of sin
I remember being afraid of the maiden's Beau
Untill I grew a little old
But the maid and pauper shared their love
It came from the lord above
First grade came and I would weep
As they all laughed at me
I was a little different
Or so that was their inference
The neglected sons and daughters came
Into my home, and into my heart
The foster children the Queen had to take
When the King divorced her
They were all abused, and sang the blues
But I was faithful, shining through
After all, what does a seven year old know
About drugs, and mothers who leave their own
I still can't seem to understand
How I knew the lay of the land
At an early age, the cascades raged
Yet what was I to do?
And I remember my foster sister and I
Played around from time to time
We were just kids, what the fuck went down?
I wore a filthy crown
Shimmering rubies in the night
Take the tunnel left, or take it right
The time machine, and the time girl
Then we moved
We lived poor as the lowest form of dirt
A switch from rich, to lifes a bitch
Ah, that the was the year I discoverd the form
Of a naked woman in the dorm
So lust was born into my soul
When I was too young to even know
What matters most in life
The tears stream down my eyes
While the maiden and the pauper
helped us through the dark times
It was just me and the Queen
And a check for child support
On the playground, I was Indiana Jones
My comrade was a pilot coming home
DAMN we were poor, look at our clothes
And the teacher said that I was gifted
What does gifted mean to a third grader in pain?
Who would one day grow up to shoot cocaine
I would only like to dance
OH, but we, never got the chance
We moved back into our mansion of a home
With the King and Queen and yours truly
How odd it was to live with them
They'd broken all their vows
I was growing up fast, I'd learned to shoot
A tin can from quite far away
With a BB gun being my uproots
Soon I'd be killing birds in hay
On the old country road
I never killed a cat or dog
But birds, and mice, snakes and a few frogs
Anything that caught my fancy free
The blood flowed forth from me
And soon I was in Boy scouts
Playing with fire, cooking trout
Vandalizing the shit out of people's stuff
Throwing rocks at windows, tipping porta-potties
I remember long ago, I shot a bird
But it didn't die
Instead of just shooting it twice
I hung it, and watched the life go out of it
FUcked up kid you say so far
That ain't NOTHING, wait for the dope
THe day that I lost hope
Ding dong ditching random houses
My friend was arrested for being a "peeping tom"
I would have been there with him, shaking pom-poms
I was probably busy jacking off
And all the people who met me face to face
Said I was polite, sensitive, and full of grace
They never knew the real me
It brings me to my knees
I held faith in Jesus Christ
He was my savior, once or twice
I went to church and honestly tried
Even that didn't last
I remember Abigail Fancher
Hmm... name ryhmes with JOLLY RANCHER
We dated, we broke up, want to know why?
She was a Jehova's witness, what was I?!
I remember discovering rock and roll
Creed, and the Beatles, Quiet Riot
Soon led to Maiden, Priest, and Pantera
I wore all black and grew my hair
Then one day I had the blues
Didn't know why, school was out, GOOD NEWS!
So I logged on to some damn chat room
And there she was
My first true love named Allie Dawn
The bishop quitely took the pawn
My starling, my everything, she had me whipped
And we never even met
We loved for quite some time untill
She started acting, mentally ill
I really couldn't take it, it was no thrill
I started popping pills
It was around this time the pauper died
I became a master thief
Stealing money, causing grief
Anything for a pack of smokes
Robbing Wal-Mart of their Cd's
That was all it took for me
I smoked my first joint of weed
Had a few more bowls, and ATE the rest of the sack
My first time, I used a whole dimebag
Vicodin, Vodka, not vitamins
Marijuana, cigarettes, sin sin sin!
What was up the road for for a time
Was sneaking some of the Queen's wine
Started cutting, pretty shallow at first
To try it out, to fill my thirst
What started now was a tidal wave
On my way to a suicidal rave
My first trip to the loony bin
I was more sarcastic then
A caustic, narcissistic pin
A pandamoneum
I was released and done with the girl
She still, from time to time, gets me
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous
Tried to stay clean autonomous
From the time I was in first grade on
I took SO much shit from tiny pawns
But that all stop the moment I had a drink
Or the day I first met my shrink
Let me regale you of a fairy tale
That ended rather messily
Another fair lassie entered my life
I thought to myself... this must be my wife
She was "a girl who sang the blues"
And "I asked her for some happy news"
She smiled and said I love you...
We shared some good, we shared some bad
I wouldn't take any of it back
However it just wasn't meant to be
Someday, I'd have her back
I entered the deepest emotional turmoil
I wanted to die, get high, and toil
I'd slit my arms, and burn my thighs
I'd smoke pot to forget a while
A dear friend of mine really understood
He'd listen to me every time
I swear I'd never cried so much in my life
I'd paint pictures of myself dead
That dear friend of mine became my best
I didn't tell you of all the rest!
Of Josh, and Jonathan, and Aric true
But I lost them, because of dope, I was through
It took me a year, but I got over it
By learning to hate, and learning to debate
From THAT point on my life became
The medicine game
Mindi wasn't around long
Could't expect her to, after CHEATING on her
MAN, what the fuck had I become?
A dope fiend on the run
I remember the first time I did cocaine
I felt the "shock" up in my brain
I remember the first time I took meth
Afterwards, it really fucks with your head
Moved to plain old Plano
My years in choir drawing to an end
Did I forget to tell you my friend
I am a damned good musician
This is when the shit REALLY hit the fan
It all started when I met a man
Zack, his friends Alex, Andreas, and Josh
I was lost, I was lost
Some Pentacostal girl fell in "love" with me
She asked me why we couldn't just be
I told her it's hard loving a dope fiend
I told the truth for the first time in a while
DXM was such a trip
Shadow people, and giant trolls on my back lawn
Smoke another joint and then I'm gone
Give me another hit
Adderal, Percocet, Promethazine
Morphine, Xanax, Codeine
Those little blue pills I had in school
That would make you so numb you would drool
Slamming cocaine was like falling in love
Get drunk just wasn't enough
I needed vallium, pot, and stuff
'Till I couldn't say "summthin sumthin"
I fell down the downward spiral
Needles, pills, cigs, and vials
I needed help soon, I was killing myself
Bronchitus three times in two MONTHS?
Eventaully, I found N.A.
But sadly, I didn't stay
They never turned me away
If you've read this far I applaud you
The downward spiral, I was in a spell
Bewitched by drugs and lust
My sin was by now, over my head
Satan had my in his dread
"No angel born in hell, could BREAK THAT SATAN'S SPELL!
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite
I saw Satan laughing with delight
The day the music died"
"I went down to the sacred store"
To buy another quarter pound
I heard something never heard before
The voice of God in me
I took some mushrooms that night
I sold an ounce, then I prayed a little prayer
"God, come to me tongight, and show me how to stay clean..."
He did that and a whole lot more
The next day I got rid of my bud
I broke my pipes, threw out rolling papers
Got rid of a scale, razors, and in return
I was given my soul again
I made some meeting and got a sponsor
This was what I needed
Started going to church again, my friend
A seed was planted, weeds were weeded
I met another girl, and she broke my heart
The very same day that my grandmother died
My dad lost his job, but God was there
Holding my hand my every move
Some time passed and I got recovery
A few sponsees, a little responsibility
And the holy spirit began to convict me
Of the sins since 1987
Night and day I began to pray
I read my Bible every day
I tried to help others going astray
And for my beliefs, I was criticized
But Jesus said count it as joy
When others curse me in his name
Believe me, I ain't looking for fame
Just that lost little boy
The fairy tell angel came back into my life
Again, I thought this must be my wife
Personalities clashed, and chaos and strife
For reasons I'll leave between her and I
Yesterday a sponsee relapsed
He did nine grams of coke, he's fortunate to be alive
I'm here for him if he should so decide
To take the narrow road
There were a few stories I left out
If you'd know me you'd know why
This is the longest poem I'll ever write
It's the story of my life
So now my job is just to stay clean
To help others do the same
To rid myself of anger, judgementality, and lust
Of malice, of hatred, of pride
For every sin, grace abounds
And the lord has been kind to me
You have not left me, as oft as I left thee
Now I will sing a resonating sound
Do you remember 1987?
The year snow fell from heaven?
The day I was born, 'till this very day
Written upon this page
(Parentesis "" taken from "American Pie", Copyright Don McClean)
