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**NOTICE:  This is a parody of the Real Slim Shady, and contains language.  It is an inside joke, but you may find it humerous.  I did not write this to hurt or make fun of "Josh", the person the parody is about.  I simply wrote it to be funny... Josh read it, and liked it, as did some other friends that are mentioned in the story.  I removed it from this site at his will a while back, and he told me I could post it again (he thought his dad might see it, so he told me to take it off).  If you don't understand the poem, I left footnotes.**





The Real Fat Josh

Enema A.K.A. “Fat Josh”

Joshua Lovinggood LP        

Copyright 2001 “F**ked up Records”







May I have your attention please?  May I have your attention please?  Would the real fat Josh please eat more?  I repeat, would the real fat Josh please eat more.  We’re going to have a problem here.



Y’all act like you never seen a fat person before, Doritos all over the floor before my dad burst in the door and started whooping my ass worse than before I first cussed him out.  It’s the return of the wait, no wait, he didn’t just say what I think he did, did he?  Then Nathan said “I am supposed to be dead, Josh sat on my head, then locked me in his aggie toy box!” *  Lesbian women love, Joshi Washie, chicka chicka Chick Filet, again today?  I’m Sick of that, it won’t make me fat, rather eat a coke bottle, then flippen’ the turd, out of my ass came a piece of glass?  Yea, I might have a couple of screws up in my ass loose, but no worse, than what’s going on in the bathroom!  I just want to get on T.V. and be a fat dude, but can’t, and it’s cool for Tom Thumb to sell expired food?  “Our prices beat the rest, our prices beat the rest!  We suck the milk straight out of the cows breasts!”  And that’s the message that I deliver to fat kids, expecting them not to know what a glandular problem is!  Of course their going to know what obesity is, by the time they hit the third grade, they got Jerry Springer, don’t they?  We ain’t nothing but fat kids!  Well, some of us toothpicks** that like to make fun of old hicks.  But if we can sell expired food, the stuff that puts me in a bad mood, then there’s no reason I can’t be rude!!!  But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote!  I’ll go eat a cantaloupe, sing the chorus and it go’s:

                                  

                            I’m fat Josh, yes I’m the real Josh, all you other fat Joshes don’t eat enough goulash, so wont the real fat Josh please eat more, please eat more, please eat more!  Cause I’m fat Josh, yes I’m the real Josh, all you other fat Joshes don’t eat enough goulash, so won’t the real fat Josh please eat more, please eat more, please eat more.

                                    

                                    My dad doesn’t have to cuss in his work to get a salary, but I do, so fuck him, and fuck you to!  You think I give a damn about a piece of salami?  Half of you food critics can’t even look at me, let alone understand me!  “But Josh, what if you throw up?  Wouldn’t it be weird?”  Why, so you guys can just get me here, so you can sit me here next to some skinny sleaze?  Geese, you guys better switch me chairs, so I can sit next to Aric Turner and Justin Stone, and her ‘em argue over who threw a turkey bone! ***  Little fruitcake put me last on food T.V. so I can’t show the whole world how I cut the cheese!  I’m sick of all you guys that eat value packs that don’t affect my grocery sack, so I have bent sent here to show you my ass crack!  And there’s a trillion of you just like me, who eat like my, have bigger sheets like me, walk roll and eat cake batter like me, and just get fatter like me, but not quite me!



                               Cause I’m fat Josh yes I’m the real Josh, all you other fat Joshes can’t eat enough goulash, so won’t the real fat Josh please eat more, please eat more, please eat more!  Cause I’m fat Josh, yes I’m the real Josh, all you other fat Joshes can’t eat enough goulash, so won’t the real fat Josh please eat more, please eat more, please eat more.



                                 I’m like a dip shit to listen to!  Cause I’m only giving you things you joke about with your friends inside the kitchen, the only difference is I got the lard to say it, can’t wear a leotard **** cause I’d fray it, I pray the next pair of pants don’t rip!  I just get on the pot and break it, get on the bus and I shake it, and I just baked it better than 10% of you fat asses out there!  Then you’re wondering why I don’t shit my underwear?  It’s funny, cause at the rate I’m going when I’m fatter, I’ll get so fat that I can’t even climb up a ladder, while I’m topping off at Taco Bell, and I’m listening to Pachlebel, it’s not making my TAAS scores higher? ***** And every single person is a fat Josh lurking, he could be working in the school cafeteria, changing the whole criteria?  Or in the bathroom clogging the toilet, so when the janitor smells, he goes through hell?  So would the real Josh please eat more, screw the diet, it doesn’t help anymore!  And be proud to be one of a kind, don’t touch that food, it’s all mine, sing the chorus one more time!

                                  

                                     I’m fat Josh, yes I’m the real Josh, all you other fat Joshes don’t eat enough goulash, so won’t the real fat Josh please eat more, please eat more, please eat more?  Cause I’m fat Josh, yes I’m the real Josh, all you other fat Joshes don’t eat enough goulash, so wont the real fat Josh please eat more, please eat more, please eat more?  

                                      Cause I’m fat Josh, yes I’m the real Josh, all you other fat Joshes don’t eat enough goulash, so won’t the real fat Josh please eat more, please eat more, please eat more?



Looks like there’s a fat Josh in all of us.  Fuck it, lets all eat more.



*- Josh is a notorious "Aggie", as known by his friends.  Nathan is Joshe's brother.  The Aggie toybox is symbolism of Josh Being an Aggie (a supporter of Texas A&M, a college in Texas)

**- The "toothpick" is me.  I was pretty skinny when I wrote this.  At the time, I had a well known dislike for "hicks" (rednecks), and I made fun of them all the time.  This is evedent in the poem.  (note:  I don't dislike hicks anymore.  They're all good with me)

***- Again, the skinny sleaze is me.  Aric is one of my friends, as he is also a friend of Josh.  This is a parody on the line in the original song "Why, so you can lie to get me here, so you can sit me here next to Britney Spears?  Christina Agulara better switch me chairs so I can sit next to Carson Dayly and Fred Durst, and hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first..."

****- To pass the spare time in middle school, Aric and I would draw pictures making fun of people we knew.  Of the most famous, we drew our English teacher as A Pirate (Long John Hudson), we drew the school Band director as a cup of Ice Cream from Baskin Robbins, and we drew Josh as an ice cream cone.  We also one drew him in a leotard, if I remember, with little fray marks all around it... (We also drew funny pictures of ourself)

*****- Johan Pachelbel is a classical composer most famously known for his "Canon in D."  Josh and I both LOVED this song since the minute we first heard it.  Also, there is a known connection between test scores and classical music (that listening to it HELPS you study, etc.).  The TAAS test was (and now is replaced by the TAAKS) the Texas Assesment of Academic Skills.  Toppin off at Taco Bell reffers to reffiling a drink.