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Instinctual mind games mechanically operated
Stem from habitual curses, never confronted
the unsolicited tear
gives ear to my mahogany colors' utter of pain,
a life unrestrained,
I see through the smoke of fear,
All of hell couldn't shake me
or hold me here
Whispers & cries, crowd my ears
I’m Slippin,
as I’m tested through valley mud slides
Trying to gain control,
as I keep fallin victim to the ride
honestly regretting my step down from fame
defining my life as a shame
not calculating my stallion stature
deeming me worthy of sovereignty
but negating my crown
due to my own stupidity
1 john 5:14
Tells me
Anything I ask according to his will, He hears me
The problem is
Your will’s not decorated with lights and bulbs
Better yet,
It’s disguised between chapters and numbers
With no instruction manual
But I have the petition of what I’ve asked
Sad that I misplaced it at her house,
His door
It may even be in the bag
I left next to the lighter
By the ash tray
I can’t remember
but how hard is my head
and my nerve as I ask
why is your thoughts, not my thoughts
neither your way my way?
Why do I fear the darkness that clouds me
The shadow of death that surrounds me
I should be strong, a warrior in the valley
rejoicing in the victory unseen
but just as i see the light
the end of the tunnel
You close the door, frustrated
So I ask, seek, and knock, just like you taught
I surrender
Both hands up like 12 o'clock
Lord I'm hungry for the answers
but disturbed with the replies
Cumbersome I am
so I repeat,
I’ve asked
I’ve seeked
I’ve knocked
I’ve knocked
I’ve pounded
I’ve even checked the window
How I want to say
I WAS ONCE blind
but actually
I'm becoming def to
my walk is lame
so you're the only one I can step to
you offered me a place to seek refuge
But I’ve drawn myself away
Pursuing the fleshly arrays
Confiscating gold you discarded
Defiling your whispers of direction
While conversing with my emotions
for celestial navigation
I am adulterated
but your word tells me
Confess my sins
For you are faithful, just
And will forgive me
And cleanse me from all unrighteousness
I hear you!
but I hear her, him and them
undoubtedly
I tried to turn right
but peer pressure re-routed me,
tossing and turning
I've lost hours of sleep
3am, I heard the
“Do more than confess your sins to me
And do onto them, what you did on to me,
FLEE”
instantly, the raging sea within me felt PEACE,
no longer in turmoil, shaken by every wind
I could finally descend into a place of resolve
I’ve cracked the code, Da’Vinci
what was revealed?
faith, hope and love
and through my instinctual mind games
habitual curses,
and natural regressions
He did not ask me to confront them
but allowed me to be witness
to the destruction of them
I stood still
as I watched the world around me
fall and shatter,
the end, this would not be,
for I soon should see
what no eye have seen or ear have heard,
then light was visible
as my crown was revealed
the screams became unbearable
as I became uncomfortable
it became intolerable
only then I broke through
And realized
I’ve witnessed my own birth!

By David Johnson & Jeremy Baker