She's someone I want badly.
I love to look at her.
She's amazing and wonderful.
Yet, I don't tell her any of this.
Because I am asshole and confused about feelings.
I've been hurt before. I don't want it to repeat.
She probably doesn't feel the same, but that's okay.
At least I got all my feeligs out. Even though
I showed her my feelings on a piece of paper, it's not enough.
I want to hold her hand.
Shield her from the world. I don't wanything to harm her.
I just ant to touch her to make sure she still alive. She is
so important to me that I have to know where she is so I can relax.
But now I'm barely talking to her because I want her to think about what I wrote.
But it feels like I am pushing her away.
If that's the case them I'm going to be hurt either way.
I'm just a douche who is scared of loving again.
She's different. She's smart and independent.
She knows what she is doing.
I owe her dozens of apologies.
I'm scared of her reactions. She already started
not looking at me. She doesn't say anything to me
when I'm around. I shouldn't say love her. I shouldn't
be afraid of talking to this girl. I shouldn't
even be writing this. This is a mistake.
My decisions and needs are mistakes.
I should let her go. But when?
Is it even possible? Should I
risk it? Or leave it? I
hate it when she pretends that I don't exist.
It's happening again........