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And the cold crawls its way

Up the small of my back

A raspy breath of bitter

And the fear loses itself in me.



Crawling into beds that were never yours

Hiding from the friends that never showed

Saving yourself for those who will not wait

As you will wait forever.

Saving yourself from things that refuse

To haunt you

And will try

To keep you here as you fly away

And refuse to stay grounded.



And the waves of cold wash over your body

And, “It was me.”

Words never really did account for much anyways.



But lies always have

And they were the one thing that you did to save yourself

From me

A blatant refusal

To be dishonest

Did I ever lie about it?

No.

Did it change over time?

Yes.





And it changed

And she brought it back

And I let it lie

Like the sleeping dogs

And the skeletons in my closet

That you never knew

And why do I always apologize?

You will never

Oh, no.

You will never know.



You’re so fucking sober it’s hilarious

To watch you bumble around

Like you’ve got two left feet

That refuse to work for you

In the right ways

Every step forwards just leads you back

To the day you started this

Cruel and spinning habit

It twisted who you were

And now you can’t stop

A drink to sleep

Turned to a drink to wake

And a drink before I drink.

And the leather straps

And your black cowboy chaps

Keep me in check

And remind me that you always were you

Perfectly unique

And constantly hiding

Your smile