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Questions For My Mom
Folder:
My Stuff Why can’t you love me?
What did she do to be so perfect,
To earn your adoration?
Isn’t it a born right?
Why don’t I have that right?
Why do you tell everyone I’m a liar?
Why won’t you accept what you did?
Why did you erase it from everyone else’s memory?
Why didn’t you let me forget?
Why do you still try to scare and intimidate me?
Why do you change your moods so quickly?
Why are you ashamed of me?
I tried to fix myself,
To become perfect, like Maya.
Do you want me to eradicate who I am?
Erase the past?
Why can’t I be myself?
Why won’t you celebrate me
Like you celebrate her?
Why do you forget about me?
Why don’t you remember?
Why do you lie to me?
Why do you tell me you love me
Then hit me?
Then yell at me?
Then treat me like shit?
Why won’t you listen when I ask
These questions?
Why am I posting them here
Instead of telling you my feelings?
Why do I feel you won’t care?
Don’t care?
Why do you want me to stay
Even though I’m not wanted?
Why can’t I move in with my ex-girlfriend?
Why does she love me more than you do?
Than you ever have?
Why can’t I get surgery?
Why can’t I own my own body?
Why am I your property?
Why do I disappoint you?
Disgust you?
Is it my physical being?
Why do you think I’m fat?
Why did you refuse to acknowledge
My anorexia?
Why did you tell me I was fat then?
Why do you fake it in front of everyone?
Why do you lie to them?
Why can’t you just be honest?
Why can’t you love me?
And Dan asked me, the other day,
“Why can’t you just be happy?”
And I answered,
“I don’t know.”
