emotional hide and seek( and we end up going in circles)

what must it feel like to be alive inside?
i wouldnt know
my emotions like to hide
theyre so hard to find
i have a faint memory
a glimpse of this feeling
it last only a small while
then life seems to lose meaning
i want to be dead
but i cant let this be the end
a fading pulse keeps me waiting
for the first shoe
the good luck too!
but what follows
falls fast
after that damned lucky shoe
comes a swift kick in the ass
i thought maybe if long ago some day
i had bent my knees and prayed
would this all be worth it?
would my life have been saved?
but one can wonder
ponder only to discover
that what if's and if sos'
are not so kind
they make you think of
the coulda been
the shoulda been
the past time
when YOU have no control!
your stone finds it's own way to roll
when what you choose is not your choice
ultimatley something chooses for you
teasing and pleasing
feeding off the emotions
it makes one think
if being empty
is really such a crazy notion.

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