I know I am supposed to leave it all in your hands
I try so hard just to trust you
And it's hard to be patient and wait for a blessing
Cuz I need these feelings to fade
I find it so hard to imagine another person's arms around you
But I know somewhere deep inside I am happy for you
But this flesh craves, and I tend to cave
And to imagine you in the future
And with me just somewhat staying behind
But I know I can not buy into these lies
So I keep trying to renew my mind
But Father somedays it's just not that easy
I try so hard, cuz I know I'm being selfish
Wanting to get ahead of the game
Wanting to get ahead of all the others
May be I am just trying too hard
Cuz I am tense, and worried
That my future will be small
Author's Notes/Comments:
Meh I just have a hard time sometimes with the present. Either with a person I like I will see their future and want to so badly be part of that with them. But there is also a very good chance you won;t and it will be somebody else who gets to love them. I dunno it's tough, and lately I have not thought these things. I've been focussed but the odd time it will come up and slap me across the face and sneak in for a few minutes. That's when I try my hardest not to meditate on it and I try to take the thought captive and dump it out. But yeah it's tough cuz you see everyone else moving ahead but you're still trailing behind barely catching up. It's like being on a frozen lake in the middle of the night in the winter and you're with a group camping. Then they decide to take a little walk on the lake, and you know they are ahead but you trip and fall in the snow. Then you're a little behind and you trip again. Then before you know it they are so far ahead of you, but you know they are there. So you yell out, and you do know they will wait for you, but some inner fear says they may not and leave without you. Then you're just left on the lake till daylight hours. Meh anyways hope this makes sense! lol
