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Lingering Kate (and a Lack of Good Timing)
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2016 I believe that one of the most endearing qualities of a grown adult
is their ability to identify the enigmas surrounding our existance on a daily basis,
deciphering and separating the clinically insane from the stunning,
and acting upon those instincts in manner prompt enough to dictate your life in a truly fulfilling way.
...the latter is always the most difficult, and it has always been my Achilles heel.
To feel madly about a woman I hardly knew... a woman I haven't seen in person in years ...a woman I wrote off as a shallow, attention-grabber by my first impression when she threw a note over the cubicle wall reading, 'Do you like me?' with a yes and no box...and living within my own smartass skin, I wrote a 'maybe' box and threw it back - and she called me rude. But then she read something I wrote... and pinned it up on her cubicle wall for months after... and I shared my past stories, and she connected with similar tales of yore. I cultivated respect for her because she offered me honesty... we generated roots when there was nothing more than a leaf on the surface.
To this day, I have never been so wrong about another human in my life. The sole moment I had to express those feelings with her came and went so swiftly. I blinked, I missed. I see her presence on Instagram often, but there's no communication...it would be strange and beyond impractical to explain myself today. She travels the world without pause, I stay right here barely making ends meet.
But today when she posted a selfie - with a bright, mysterious little smirk from Florida, staring intently into the phone within arms length...and I found myself thinking about her once again. I wondered if yesterday had played out differently, if there was any opportunity I could've been the one holding the camera. Maybe, maybe we really were too different in reality - it's a strange reflection, really...not truly a regretful one, but undoubtedly a thought-invoking one. She now becomes another brief, but lingering, chapter in this monumental book I'm writing in my mind
I Concur
Very well written, it kept my attention throughout. I too have been in your shoes before, and have delt with what could've been, and what should've been. As for the subject, life is too short to stay silent when so led, and eveyone enjoys a positive face from the past. If you wish you could still approach her, (even if it's only through social media), or let her go; but to not talk to her and still want her is a pleasureable pain, although it doesn't go away for a long time. It is a thought provoking predicament, especially for the person involved. You have my commiserations.
~Seraphim
Post Tenebras Spero Lucem
very relateable
i think this is a commonly held experience, and i felt a certain longing for someone i have not even met in reading this. the girl that came to my mind is real, but the regret is such a distant one, i almost feel detached from it in a certain sense. makes me want to change my life, in a way that doesn't exist.
thank you both very much
you and Seraphim wrote fantastic comments, I truly appreciate them both
Detached is really the key word I keep honing in on when I read back your comment. It's really fascinating in this technological day and age when I know for certain I would have completely lost contact with her years ago simply because I wouldn't have a phone number to reach her or any personal connections to keep in touch..but today, you only need to remain a friend on social media to be as much a part of their life as they're willing to post. It's almost as though you can still be around them....but haven't been a part of their inner circle for such a long time...it's a strange, new phenomenon to me it seems. Are we detached, really?
For me, there becomes an internal debate - first, with the logical side of my brain that knows this person is long, long gone...lives hours away, travels constantly anyway...to reach out would be futile at best. But there's the emotional impact of a person who improved your quality of life, and there's great value in that.
So in reality I'll probably exist somewhere in the middle..keeping an eye out, wishing her well silently, enjoying those moments of intrigue/curiosity when I catch a post every month or two, but really nothing more than that.
Stunning Write
attention holding reflection, a writing talent exhibited in fresh prose-poetry. Loved it!
ty much, glad to hear from
ty much, glad to hear from you again :)