PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

I enjoyed reading this a lot and I hope it helped you to write it out. I don't know if you're looking for any sort of constructive criticism, but I wrote you out a few suggestions according TO MY PERSONAL OPINION. I would hope that if you read through you'd agree with me in at least one spot, I know just by being here posting this you want to turn that emotion you have into something that affects others, so good luck to you! (Send me a PM if you are not interested in having this critique and I'll take it down)

Tonight the pain is real,
Tonight is the night when it finally hit. (what did the pain hit like? I think it could be really impact the reader here and help them relate to what you're going through better if you slipped in a bridge to help them understand. "...when it finally hit like a loose spring," "...hit like a bony fist," "...hit like the broken plastic of blah blah blah" just anything MORE that the reader can hold on to.)

I loved you,
And I still do,
Well at least I think I do. (what did you love about him/her, or tell of a moment in your life or in the night that you're righting about where you find yourself frozen with the question of whether or not they still mean anything to you)

I am supposed to wait two weeks,
Wait for you to decide if you want me in your life.

I know it's not that simple,
But how can I not see it that way. (see it what way? Simply? This line is a little ambiguous and so it's confusing, you might consider being more blunt or thinking of a different way to say this point entirely)

My heart falls apart,
Piece by Piece, (like a...)
Night after night. ("piece by piece," "night after night," these are a little dull for a reader to work through, maybe try some imagery here or at least link the two ideas, "a piece each night blah blah blah" "with each night a new crack releases a different piece of my heart," at least that's the idea.)

Slowly falling to dust, (does it fall on to a pile of dust? Does it fall, changing into dust? Does it fall LIKE dust does?)
My memories of you,
Fading away, (how are they replaced? Are they transforming into a taste, are they being swallowed by a taste, are you trading them for a taste, are you selling them to get by, are they being stolen from you? You make me want more precise descriptions and language to hold on to here)
Replaced with a bitter taste.

I'm alone once more.
Driving along the distant shore. (distant from what? Distant from him/her? Distant from you? Distant from where you used to be? TELL US!)

The moon shines bright above,
and snow falls all around.

Too early for this weather,
But it's the weather I love. (good!)

I feel at peace,
And at home,
Sitting in the sand, (what's the sand feel like against your body?)
Staring out over the dark sea.

I know I can make it,
But reaching the other side, (reaching out to the other side? )
It's just so far away.

I know that I love you,
But how can I forgive. (?)
This is pain that you caused,
You(,) and you alone.

I knew it was coming,
Yet it still took my breath. (cool!)

I wish we could go back to before,
When everything was fine, (fine? You have to make the reader long the way you long for the way it used to be, it's gonna be hard to get away without putting some thought into adding a couple of lines here to describe how good things used to be)
Back when I never questioned why I was with you,
Never questioned why I loved you.

I('ve) made excuses,
That's just how I am,
I hate this stuff. (what stuff!? DESCRIBE!)

Really I think I was protecting myself,
Pointing out every flaw,
blowing it out of proportion,
tearing down the walls before they were built too high. (too high for what? This could be a really cool thought if you finish it up here! "...too high to still see the ocean beyond them." "...too high to escape from."

Before they fell from below me.
Before you would leave me.

And now you're gone,
And here I am alone.(,)

Surrounded by snow,
On a moonlit beach.

Here I am once more,
Like the year before.
Here I am alone.