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I wasted forever I wanted it more than any thing I'm wishing but it's not coming true 

I'm begging and being told no I'm praying and when I try to cope I get sick I eat for the first time in days and their every last bit of it up I cry myself to sleep and wake up the msg isn't watt I was hoping for it wasn't an are you ok or do you want to come home but are you with some one else or getting drunk but at least it's a msg at least she is finally getting to talk at least at least to bad I was sick to bad I was asleep I blame myself for missing this I have my self to blame if only I could feel the flame my heart would beat again maybe my stomach would hold and then maybe again it's not worth it I hope for one day one more trip home even if it's my last I know it's my fault that I'm sick and alone is my fault and there's no no way to fix it there's one to blame but me 

the pain 

the wounds

the hell 

and the hurt

It's all my fault