Author Information
Enthusiastic No
Folder:
DaddyO's BDSM by DaddyO
Sensing others boundaries is essential to preventing consent violations. Getting the "enthusiastic yes" is a great way to instil this attitude in assertive people.
But in order for this culture shift to happen smoothly, people have to learn to express their desires (boundaries) on both ends clearly and concisely.
Consent culture
(which is what we are striving to achieve)
Consent culture demands getting an "enthusiastic yes" before proceeding.
It's very important for us to learn to express our boundaries clearly and concisely. The best words to use to express those boundaries are "yes" and "no".
In order for us to promote a consent culture we must all clearly communicate enthusiastic consent: enthusiastic yes's and enthusiastic no's.
Rape culture
(which we are hoping to eliminate)
Rape culture demands getting a "vague or nonexistent yes" before proceeding.
In order for rape culture to thrive we must have people who either don't express their boundaries or if they do, they do it vaguely or haphazardly.
Additionally, rape culture relies upon people who do not wait for those boundaries to be expressed or else they jump at opportunities to capitalize on the vagueness.
Prosecutable rape
Rape requires getting a "no" --- the more resounding the "no" the more prosecutable the offense.
It's increasingly difficult for a person to sense an enthusiastic "yes" in a partner when they have no enthusiastic "no" to compare it to.
We rely too much on subtleties when it comes to consent and sex and those subtleties can be devastating when read incorrectly.
Bottom line
Fair or unfair, you share in the responsibility whether or not you're passive or assertive.
For the passive, you must not only learn to communicate clearly and concisely, you must practice communicating clearly and concisely.
If you're assertive you must be patient and learn to accept the fact that you may never recieve a yes and be patient enough to wait for it to be enthusiastic if it does come. This is all that separates you from a rapist.
In order for us to promote a consent culture we must all clearly communicate enthusiastic consent: enthusiastic yes's being equally as important as enthusiastic no's.
