"268 Lines About 134 Women"

by Jeph Johnson


Jenna's cleptomania

Stole what I called my virginity
Twila's vintage vodka voice
Inspired most my poetry

Tammy who I loved so much
Became the only one I wed
Freya was an expert lover
I clumsily invited to my bed

Danni I met in her loft
And don't remember too much more
Darlena was my sister's friend
Who liked the allure of amour

Dena was a swinger gal
Who's husband was the jealous type
Marie was confident as fuck
So that evening I found her ripe

Eva was a strip club dancer
Who in private let me put it in
Cedes was her colleague who
Perpetuated the same sin

Alison would send me selfies
In the early days of cell phone sex
Tiffany another swinger
Was the woman I had next

Aphrodite sent Anjelle
To introduce my Daddy kinks
Nicole who's eyes were sultry brown
Was fun to take out for drinks

Stefyni was a tiny gal
Who liked to sit upon my face
Haley was a prostitute
Who I met in a seedy place

Lori in a porn shop booth
Our sex barely materialized
Kate I met up in Seattle
But she couldn't stop her lies

Jessie was a slut for books
But there's a lot to memorize
'Becca was so beautiful
I nicknamed her "almond eyes"

Heidi would be pissed at me
If I didn't mention her submission
So much so that she introduced
Kari to my proposition

Clarice had blonde ringlets
Who's sleek body they entangled
Samantha was a one night hook up
I met at a club called Angels

Camille and I crashed so hard
It became a nightmarish tragedy
My first Kylie was so young
I had to ask her for her I.D.

Jess I guess is "Jessie 2"
And there are plenty more to come
Michelle invited me into a room
With the raising of her thumb

Andrea was a very delightful
Sex club escapade
Lola was a friend's submissive
who he shared with me one day

Sarah was kinky and really liked
To be over my knee and spanked
Then another Jessica was
Deposited in my "Jessie bank"

Dana, hmmm, I don't recall,
But her name I haven't forgotten
Jenny was a baby girl
Who really liked Harry Potter

The second Jenna was a lesbian
Who tried me for an occasion
Indu's Indian arranged marriage
Came a week after our liaison

Eden really wriggled when
My sadistic toys got mean
Petite Minnie was carded twice
Because they all thought she was a teen

Alexis sure knew what she wanted
And only sometimes it was me
The next gal on my list
Was not Michelle but Michelli

"Diamond" was a sex worker
Ya get fake names when ya pay
Kylie told me hers but said
I more like being called "Renee"

Daniella enjoyed the warming of
That late September sun
Brandy's favorite number was
Seventy minus one

Gina liked to model for
My camera's dirty lens
Lisa after me decided to have
Terrible taste in men

Lauren wasn't kinky
So it was our romance that was bruised
I never even got the name of
"The Halloween Sesso girl with tattoos"

Laura lived kinda far away
So I always questioned her loyalty
Tanya was my toy and we were
Portland kink scene royalty

Kat really was the cat's meow
And would meet me on the terrace
Heidee reminded me of
The actress Anna Feris

Rhiannon was too drunk to drive
But not too drunk to play
Lucy was a country girl
Who we all called Ida Mae

Lonesome Lou was a troubled gal
I met on a dating site
Corina loved to feed me
Egg McMuffins at twilight

Jessica 4 was the best so far
Ushering in number five
Yeah, that's right the next Jessi
Gave me a "streak" to keep alive!

But I couldn't hold out any longer
When I ran into the stunning Sadie
Moonshine rocked my world
Yet didn't identify as a lady

What Liz really enjoyed with me
Her new Master thought was fucked
Sara on the other hand's
Husband was a cuck!

Samantha was the dirtiest
Lover that I ever had
Roll play scenes with Shauna
Were like the Olympiad!

Jess, we could say was number six,
Had lovely eyes of jade
Mary enjoyed my spanking paddle
Every time we played

Rebecca took on every guy
After the Ravens ran out the clock
Sara would come over every Friday
Just to suck my cock

Anessa was an artist,
Poet and comedienne
"Red riot" Rae reminded me
Of raggedy Ann

Reina rocked my weekend
After she snuck into kinkfest
Sydney was my snuggle sister
So it kinda felt like incest

Stephanie was a ginger
And had red velvet locks
Fran enjoyed the kind of collars
With electric shocks

Susan was another lady
I frolicked with at a munch
Robin I met up in the Walmart
Parking lot on her lunch

Valerie invited me to her place
But her kid made too much noise
Lana was a seductress
Filling up the new age void

Deborah was a sad girl who had
Just been dumped and cussed
Melissa had a dog who always
Cuddled up with us

Alecia was a summer fling
Who really liked my kilt
CJ was a model
I photographed on my quilt

Kristy was another lover
I'd much rather forget
Viv I valued puffing
On her grape vape cigarette

Alisan's glorious gams
Were as soft as an apricot
Elizabeth came from the south
And loved her stash of pot

Nikki thought she knew it all
But she really didn't
Amber and I were off and on,
Ya might say "intermittent"

Chrysanthe liked to ski
But sometimes liked to flake
Adrianna always bragged about
How much pain that she could take

Joy the love of my life
Gives this song a tragic sound
Chris after my two years of joy
Was a one night stand rebound

Morgen and I messed around
On our solitary date
Adrienne and I had
A very similar fate

Sumptuous Sam was a gal
Who intrigued me with her moan
Lora's fateful texts are somewhere
Hidden in my phone

Emily was a co-ed
I introduced to S&M
Lauren was an ER nurse
With a penchant for mayhem

Autumn wanted sugar
But I was more like salt
Ui I took to the zoo
And held hands with as the default

Amber worked at 7-Eleven
Stocking every shelf
Abby was into conspiracies
And made up a few herself

Jane I really never knew
She was sort of a mess up
Monica I really wish
I'd known a little less of

Kaitlyn was so magical
And gave me happy nights
Kat was woke and terrified
Because my skin was white

Emmy went by Phoenix
And liked the kink of leather
Laurin was impressed by men
Who's shit was more together

Kitty was a quirky soul
Who identified feline
Caytlin was another person
I find hard to define

Rae I would have threesomes with
While taking out my toys
Carla was really obsessed
With all genders, not just boys

Stephie showed me sympathy
When other women shunned
Shannon's sexuality
More than one man has stunned!

Jessica number seven
I fell really hard for
Jacquelyn loved the Daddy vibe
I carried the card for

The final Jessie I just messed with
To recover from the last
Andrea also suffered the same
Result of my careless bombast

Becky was a Tinder date
I drove thirty miles to see
Brandy was a gal with whom
I never did agree

Bax was another troubled soul
Who I should never have engaged
Sara would have been my babygirl
But she felt caged

Mariel and I shared
Spotify music playlists
Katy had just turned eighteen
So she was the youngest

Aubrey Rose had such
Beautiful brown eyes
Syd was a size queen
But I didn't have the size

Destiny and I clashed too much
With Trump era politics
Yasmine was a topless dancer
Who showed me lots of tricks

Miranda knew how to seduce
And she did it like a pro
Ariel like a mermaid had
Long hair that she let flow

Tessa was a wanderer
Who lived in her van
Jane left her hardened heart
In a purse on my nightstand

Remi liked to seduce
And was a former dancer
Kami agreed to comfort me
After I got cancer


Author's Notes/Comments: 


Inspired by The Nails song "88 Lines About 44 Women" lyrics by Marc Campbell as well as "Love Chronicles" by Al Stewart.


Note: some names and spellings have been altered a tiny bit but you likely know who you are. Yes, I've been quite a womanizer in my life. My intent was always to share love and/or sexuality as well as enjoy every lover I've had but more often than not that didn't work out.



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