"A Covid-19 Dream"

by Jeph Johnson



everyone is 

"gonna get this sooner or later" 


we just need to 

"flatten the curve" 

to bide our time until we do 

(so as to not overburden the hospitals) 

why not just focus 

on turning everyone's home 

into a hospital? 


OnlyFans can offer 

tutorials training those

who are unemployed 

(yet not at high risk)

to set up and monitor

those fancy 

breathing devices. 


I'm down with having 

some of my 

out of work 

stripper friends

(heck, even Hooters waitresses!)

make a "house call" 

to hook me up 

with something 

resembling my old 

C-pap machine, 

then paying them 

a $40 co-pay.


This time it won't all be in ones either!


I know 






So the additional 

couple thousand dollars, 

my soon to be expiring 

health insurance can pay. 


This ISN'T an underhanded critique 

of REAL front line

health care professionals; 

I just know if I get it 

I'm likely gonna be 

one of those on a ventilator 

gumming up the system so 

I'm brainstorming more creative 

(and hedonistic) 

ways to enjoy my final days 

leading up to my eventual demise.


Take this with a grain of salt 

for it's just a dream;

one that makes sense 

when I'm unconscious. 


Awake? Not so much. 


But I had to wake up to write it down. 

I'm going back to sleep now.

Author's Notes/Comments: 


View daddyo's Full Portfolio