PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

Since Wednesday of last week, I've been grappling with a particularly intense and relentless flare-up of my unilateral canal paresis. It has left me struggling to see clearly and unable to walk more than a few steps. The challenges don’t stop there; I ran out of SRNIs on Friday and found myself in the distressing position of being unable to secure food. I did manage to eat something, but it was past its expiration date and resulted in a bout of food poisoning. This condition has no cure, and after enduring it — along with so much else — for over 20 years, I feel utterly exhausted. To be clear, it’s not truly living or surviving; it’s simply existing. It’s striking, almost heartbreaking, how we often extend more compassion to animals, which speaks volumes when you take a moment to reflect on it. I broke into tears this afternoon, desperately trying to pull myself together to see a client. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it didn’t help; it only heightened the nausea and took everything in me to keep it together. I managed to see them—why, when I was unwell?—because how else does one maintain a roof over one’s head? Ultimately, I had to rush out, teetering on the edge of a deeply embarrassing and unceremonious collapse. For reasons still unknown, I scribbled out this poem—an unexpected burst of speed unlike anything I’ve experienced before. Admittedly, drawing on the same themes I’ve tried to express for years probably played a role in that flow.