Author Information
Alone
It's so quiet with you not around.
I can hear my brains every sound.
The voices in my head are talking again.
lecturing about how love ends.
I hear the steady hum of the refrigerator.
I hear the clock ticking on the wall.
I even hear the birds chirping outside.
It's you voice I crave to hear most of all.
Time seems to have stood still.
Yet the sun rises and sun sets.
I'm drawn to you beyond my will.
I hope I get a case of the "forgets"
I still think of you.
Every time I smoke a cigarette.
No matter how hard I try,
I can't seem to forget you.
I don't sleep at night.
Nothing makes me feel restful.
I haven't been eating that much lately.
Nothing seems to ease my hunger.
People say I look tired and that I've lost more weight.
I'm feeling numb to the world and not so great.
I have this huge wound in my chest.
A gun shot that was self-inflicted.
I've been infected for the last seven years.
Then I did the worst thing I could do.
I gave my love-sickness to you.
I don't know how much more us this I can take.
When I think of us I start to break.
Sometimes I feel I have no spine.
Because I feel like I can't hold myself up without you.
I'll just continue to waste away to nothing.
At least then I'll be free of this life.
I'm trying to remain active and positive.
The visions of you always get in my way.
I know that I've hurt you.
I don't want to anymore.
It wasn't right of me to do so.
I've tried so hard to prove my love to you.
I was even willing to get a job and support you.
Why did you have to be so ugly that day?
Bitching at me for turning on the light.
Bitching at me because you didn't like the scent of my deodorant.
Bitching at me for interrupting your game of darts.
You made me feel like your game of darts was more important than me.
You made me feel like I was loving you for nothing.
That was my breaking point.
That was the final straw that broke this camel's back.
I only woke up so I could go to orientation.
Trying to keep a job so I could buy you a Christmas present.
Because I know how last year we went without.
That was all that I kept thinking about.
How nice it felt to know I could've bought you something this year.
Now I sit here soaked in my own bitter tears.
I've been hurt so much already and now I can't take it anymore.
I feel like plummeting off a building and splattering on the floor.
Why'd you have to rear your ugly face at me?
Was I supposed to stay there and take it?
All I ever wanted to do was make you happy.
I wanted you to be so proud of me.
I wanted you to see how much I truly did love you.
Yet I felt like whatever I did wasn't enough to get to you.
Once upon a time I'd even give my life for you.
Now I realize I already have too many times before.
Only at night do I feel so alone.
Sleeping on a couch next to no one.
Sometimes I wish I'd wake up and see your face.
Instead I wake up and constantly play CD's.
That way I feel like someone is with me.
I can no longer run in this race.
Because I know in the end I'm going to loose.
I get so much more done when I'm not with you.
The truth does hurt but that's how it really works.
I've given you all the love I had to offer,
I just can't do that anymore.
I have to save and conserve some for myself.
It was wrong of me to love you when I had none for myself.
I put too much on you,
I should have never expected you to make me happy.
I wish there was a magic wand to make this all go away.
I wish I could turn back time and heal your heart.
I'd make it so we would have never met.
Each other we would have not known,
That way we would have never hurt each other.
I know now that fairy tales are not real.
Dreams never come true.
Prince charming is just a fantasy.
I still get lost in my day-dreams.
I could never replace you.
You'll always have a special place in my heart.
Even though you call me rotten art.
You're right though I am ugly inside.
Daily I fit the urge not to cry.
It's better for me to be apart from you.
I'm not saying that I'm happy though.
I get more accomplished when I'm alone.
I only have myself to focus on.
I'll wake up tomorrow with more to be done.
I'll be around a swarm of people,
but I'll still be alone.
