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I read this in the paper,

And it really made me think;

That a quarter of all road accidents

Can be blamed... directly... on drink.



Now statistics, they tell you, will never lie,

But be wary of how they're used;

You need your wits about you,

It's easy to get confused.



If a quarter of accidents are had by drunks,

Then sober people have all the rest;

That's 75% if I'm not mistaken,

... (My maths never were the best).



But I'm not entirely stupid,

And I plan to stay alive;

So I'm gonna start driving drunk,

I'm three times more likely to survive.