The following is a true story (believe it or not!). It happened a short time into my husband's and my courtship. For the non- Australians reading this poem, I'd better explain, that 'cheezles and 'burger rings' are a savoury snack with a hole in the middle and a 'cheerio' is a little red sausage.


I had dinner with my sweetie

At his home the other night

I knew he’d make a special treat

At least I hoped he might

He set out all the crockery fine

With his best linen pressed

Silver knives and forks and spoons

I really was impressed

I said “What’s for dinner sweetie?”

He flashed a cheeky smile

And replied “I know you’ll love it

It’ll be ready in just a while”

Well I got a little suspicious

For I noticed that no smell

Was coming from his kitchen

And no food was there as well

Nothing cooking on the stove

So sign of chook nor fish

And he knew spaghetti marinara

Was my favourite dish

The stereo played slow love songs

The candles were aglow

He certainly was cooking something up

But what? I did not know

As he led me away from the kitchen

My hopes began to crumble

When he took me to the main bedroom

I heard my tummy rumble

He set me down upon the bed

And then to my surprise

He grabbed a blood red silken tie

And wrapped it round my eyes

I started feeling worried

This was not his normal behaviour

What could be for dinner here

And what could I find to savour?

I could hear him rustling round a bit

What was taking him so long

I’d known him over six months now

But could I have judged him wrong?

Did he have a darker side?

Was he into kinky stuff?

Well everything here seemed OK

I knew I just had to trust

Then I felt his hand so gentle

As he slowly released my blindfold

I opened my eyes and before me

Was such a sight to behold

He had totally turned his body

From his crown to his toenail tip

Into a savoury sensation

And in his hand... a packet of chips

Well, I could not hold back the laughter

I was rolling about in a fit

Then he held out the packet and said,

So solemn...”Would you like a dip?”

After removing the hair from the pate

To my delight it tasted divine

And he kept a supply of rice crackers

Propped up ‘tween his toes in a line

Well I tried the cream cheese on his fingers

His belly button olives were yum

But I kept coming back for my favourite

The guacamole smeared on his buns

He’d gone to a lot of trouble

To find all my favourite things

I especially liked the arrangement

Of the cheezles and burger rings

I shared all the treats with my sweetie

Towards the end I was starting to slow

He gave me a wink and suggested

I finish off with a big cheerio

Needless to say...

There were no further courses

We sent out for pizza instead

After sweetie had showered we ate it

Propped up in our crumb filled bed

Now our relationship’s taken on new meaning

As we share in our new found delight

In fact I’ve invited my sweetie

For dessert round at my place tonight!

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