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.Releasing my Thoughts
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Blogs There's a lot to learn about yourself when you sit down and seriously ponder the confines of your mind. I've realized that all along, I've always been a good person with a big heart, though at the same time that's my downfall. Not just because of the pain I suffer and all that other drama that everyone says is bad about loving/caring too much, but also because I experience emotions that get amplified more fully than they really ought to be.
When I love, I love a lot. When I hurt, I hurt perhaps double than I should. When I get angry, it's either slightly annoyed or intensely pissed off, with no in between. Diagnose it with whatever you want, and give me any kind of pill you say I need, but I know I'm not the only one like this. Having a large heart is great, because when you keep your heart open, you always will allow love to find its way in. Though, there's always a negative to this option, too. You need to protect it with both fists pumping. But you all already know this crap, so why waste your time with this, right?
It's all basically tying into the fact that... I guess it just sucks when someone you know becomes someone you knew. When you think that you will always be able to depend on them, then suddenly you want not a thing to do with them due to mistakes or actions they have done to hurt you. We've all been victim to this, but we've also all been the culprit as well. I know I've been both on numerous different occasions.
This isn't a sob blog or a pity me cuz of my angst letter, either. Just... before you point the finger at someone else, just know that the very same hand is pointing three right back at you. You can announce how much fault it is on the other person all you want, but deep down, you know a side of the story you never show. Be it good or bad, it's there, and it constantly digs deeper into the core of our soul and thus affects our trunk, radiates to our branches, and slowly kills our roots.
I love the friends I have. Some I've really met for the first time, even though I've known them for going on nearly 5 years. Some really allow me to feel... loved. And thus, alive in a never-ending cycle of change and happenings that none of us, no matter how mighty, can control called Life. I may just be rambling, and none of this really seems intellectual like I tend to try and lead people to believe I am. If I learned one thing from my most recent Ex, Tia Johnson, it's that:
"No one's smart. We all just act like we are, even when we know we're really dumb." -Tianna Johnson
Though at first I was insulted, the words she spoke were surprisingly very true. I guess it all ties back to the true self we know about deep within our minds, and until you seriously tap into that being, until you truly have a conversation with yourself, you'll always keep that person buried inside, and the fake one will live on and take control of your body like a parasite. This may all be ridiculously too deep and I should most likely just step outside and watch the clouds blow by without inspection for once, but even the clouds hide the sun sometimes, so how can I not throw them into question, too? Truth is, everything in existence hides something else from everything else. And the sad part is, we do it to ourselves on a day-to-day basis. Everyday of our lives. So, in essence, I guess that YOU are the person you thought you knew, but very well may be the person you will honestly never know.
