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Struggling with Depression and Suicide
Days of endless struggle
More hopeful pills today
Trying to appear ‘normal’
In some sort of way.
It seems that the struggle
Is always here with me
And I wouldn’t be here now
If guilt would leave me be
I know there’s been many
Who’ve had it worse than I
But that doesn’t always mean
That I wouldn’t say good-bye
People say I have a lot going for me
I’m sorry, but I just can’t see
I can’t see because my worst enemy
Is not my life, but inside of me.
Always on a roller coaster,
Not much consistency
I’m nothing if I’m not up or down
I’m nothing if just ‘me.’
Very little energy
Wanting to stay in bed
Wishing to be enthusiastic
Instead of feeling like I’m made of lead.
Wanting to be excited
Wanting to care for more
But when nothing makes sense
It’s hard to focus on the poor.
Cluttered mind, cluttered thinking
It’s hard to keep in touch
With what is happening around me
And not to worry too much.
I feel that everybody is better than me
And that I can’t do anything right.
This is how I’ve felt my whole dang life
It didn’t just start last night.
No confidence, no self-esteem
Everybody else is right
To speak my mind is to be a fool
So I just try to ‘sit tight.’
Any one of these problems
Would be a heavy vice
But when you have them ALL
Living seems like a roll of the dice.
All wonderful advice aside,
This is a magnificent poem full of the pain anger and torment that many suffer you have captured it well not only for one who suffers to relate but also one who doesnt relate and realise the world of hurt Because I have only ever traced the edge of that thought i tend to be a little unsympathetic about it. I am a kinda you know you can snap out of your selfish I belive everthing I want is reasonable so I an tortured by not getting what i want... yeah I tire easily when I see the surface emo crap. but I have to say this is one of those poems that you know that is not the case this is not a snap out of it moment. to use that would be cruel. this is an amazing effort and it is very powerful and real uses all the constructs of good poetry and I love the last lines that snap it all into context about being possessed by such a demon and only the slightest hope of exorcising it. this is intense. All that being said. I hope if this is from your heart and a genuine call for help then I hope sincerely that you find your way through and snap yourself into the wonderful life you are failing to make for yourself. Happy takes a lot of effort, being dragged down is easy. Happiness the mere persuit of it is worth it, just to see what each day brings, HugSS
Don't let any one shake your dream stars from your eyes, lest your soul Come away with them! -SS
"Well, it's love, but not as we know it."
I know these feelings all to
I know these feelings all to well , it is a struggle to cope with everyday life..To find the strength to even get out of bed to see what b.s yu will have to deal with .>Everything seems to crumble when your around ..It sucks to deal with such an illness..Wanting more, needing more never seems to come..The pills they give you help for a lil while and then seem to wear off after a few months of taking them ..Everything you do or say seems wrong , nothing you do is right.No love for yourself no love for others.>Just rather be put in a dark hole under a rock and be left alone..But their is something always to look forward to ..You will eventually break free of this.I will not say I am 100% better but since I was diagnosed with deprssion at the age of 14 , now at the age of 30 I am 70% their..Keep your head up , feel the sun upon your face each day ..Happiness will eventually come, God loves you and gives you only what you can handle.>Great write on your feelings can totally relate....Hugs...
you laugh at me because I am differant, I laugh at you because You are all the same ...(KoRn) J.D......
Beautiful
I liked this one a lot. I can identify with it. Some of the verses just spoke to me so clearly and loudly. It was a very good poem. You have this way of taking the words in my head and making them your own words. When i read your work i feel relief because you say what i can't seem to say. I can't wait to see what else you post.