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i'll never forget that night,

the horrifying phone call

the crushing words

as i collapsed against the diner wall



the night you went outside to smoke a ciggarette

and never came back...



i can only wonder if you thought of me

and all the times that i had told you



that i know what dying feels like



but you stayed alive to show everyone what the world had done to you



i went to see you

and the sight of your lifeless corpse

so helpless

crushed every bit of sanity left in me



and i died again for you



your lifless arm tattooed



S

T

R

E

N

G

T

H



now tell me please

is that the arm you used to hang the rope



i held your lifless hand and cried



a thousand electric tears



and i told you



i'm

so

fucking

sorry





i'm sorry i couldnt have held you

i'm sorry i wasnt there

i'm sorry i stopped calling

and seemed like i didnt care



as you slipped away slowly

i fell apart...





a week and a half went by

i heard the news



your obituary said you died peacefully in your sleep



but your death was anything but peaceful...



and as i walked into the funeral home

surrounded by those who love me



i never felt so alone



i knelt beside you

and watched your mother cry



i looked around me



and saw so many people

devastaed



still wondering..



all of us

wondering



why?







but i know



sometimes it's all just too much..



so again i inhale

a smoke that smells so sweet

alone forever in this death box



it doesnt burn any longer







i can't help believing that i could have saved you



but who am i trying to fool







i'll see you soon, my friend





















because i can't even save myself