i'll never forget that night,
the horrifying phone call
the crushing words
as i collapsed against the diner wall
the night you went outside to smoke a ciggarette
and never came back...
i can only wonder if you thought of me
and all the times that i had told you
that i know what dying feels like
but you stayed alive to show everyone what the world had done to you
i went to see you
and the sight of your lifeless corpse
so helpless
crushed every bit of sanity left in me
and i died again for you
your lifless arm tattooed
S
T
R
E
N
G
T
H
now tell me please
is that the arm you used to hang the rope
i held your lifless hand and cried
a thousand electric tears
and i told you
i'm
so
fucking
sorry
i'm sorry i couldnt have held you
i'm sorry i wasnt there
i'm sorry i stopped calling
and seemed like i didnt care
as you slipped away slowly
i fell apart...
a week and a half went by
i heard the news
your obituary said you died peacefully in your sleep
but your death was anything but peaceful...
and as i walked into the funeral home
surrounded by those who love me
i never felt so alone
i knelt beside you
and watched your mother cry
i looked around me
and saw so many people
devastaed
still wondering..
all of us
wondering
why?
but i know
sometimes it's all just too much..
so again i inhale
a smoke that smells so sweet
alone forever in this death box
it doesnt burn any longer
i can't help believing that i could have saved you
but who am i trying to fool
i'll see you soon, my friend
because i can't even save myself