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Scattered Brain
My eyes closed tightly, afraid to widen them as the unknown is about to approach me. Yesterday, was horrendous, as I laid in bed sobbing as though I had lost a dear friend, only really, I had been crying because I had a to do list that seemed never ending. I wanted to disappear before my day had even began. Within seconds I heard the screeching sound of “MOM” and just then I knew there was no choice but to show up for them.
Imagine, a day where you lay in bed. Reading a book. Dancing under the stars. Walking down by the water. Laughing over dinner. Or whatever your desired thing might be, and just for a second it’s the most magical moment ever. Well I dream of a day where I will have the opportunity to feel all of these magical moments once again.
For me “MOM” is a beautiful sound. It’s a sound that brings me joy. Two beautiful beings relying on me to help them every single day, hell yes I’m a warrior. Strong, resilient and brave, and raising them on my own. I show them my laugher, I show them my strength, but most of all I show them my tears.
I’m a broken soul. Torn into several different pieces, ripped down to the bottom, shattered and left with multiple invisible scars. Healing is a process, I laugh one day and the next I need a bucket for my tears. It’s crazy how confusion can abruptly just walk into your life. One day, I thought I had it all figured out. Imagine, I had the guy, we had the children, we were saving for the house, I envisioned our future, and then in time I saw it all disappearing. But really I just saw myself disappearing in the process, so very sad to see to this day.
Years have passed, I’m now starting to smile. I’m now starting to walk by the water. I’m now starting to laugh at dinner. I’m now picking up that book to read. I’m now chasing my dreams. I was so stuck in a life that didn’t serve me, that now I’m free to breathe. Everyday is a day, I still cry somedays . That’s okay, because I am growing . Growing is beautiful, even when you are lost with no direction. Tomorrow, I hope to waken and open my eyes widely, and embrace what life has to throw at me.
