Author Information
Rant
down and up, and down again
tis my life, my sorrow filled life
since the days of my 'awakening'
i have relized many things
life 'tis not fair, nor will it ever be
every now and then, life tosses you a gift
yet only takes back for it while your distracted
life handed me a gift, one that's beautiful
yet she is not relized by others
not even by herself...
yet with this gift, something is taken away
doubt has filled the void where once being proud stood
the trust has left them
oh they say they trust their eldest son, i really should believe them
their words are meaningless, they only think that i would do what they once did
and you know what?
you know what i really think?
i think i would
i have wanted to do the 'dirty deed' the 'forbidden dance' for so long now
i have only known her a lil more then a month, yet i have wanted to for the last 4 weeks
it has scared me more then you could ever know
for the first time in my life, my hormones have kicked in, and they scare me
i know im a guy, but this isn't like me
the average guy thinks about sex every six seconds
i know i might have thought about sex maybe that much every 3 hours
throughout my life, most ppl might have thought i was perverted
yet i only shared more then they dared to
they all think more, in fact i know they did since they tell me
it really is quiet scary, for if what i think is way below average
i could understand, and become horrified how some sick guys could rape girls
i think something is wrong with me
its almost like she is a catalyst, that has set some process off inside me
i have thoughts lately i have not thought ever
i can't even look at other girl's anymore, i always think how they aren't as cute as her
is this what it means to be in love?
i have nothing to go by to tell me anything else
then i guess this is love, all that its fabled to be
who would have thought, it would be as different as this
i always thought i would just see a girl, and we would naturally click and fall in love
well, i almost did that with her
cept i knew her about 3 months before i looked, eye-2-eye with her
even now, i am crying, it is weird, i haven't cried for about 2 years, yet since i have dated her, i have cried so many times
no, not caused by her, but for some reason, she makes me feel safe
when she is in my arms, or I in hers, the world spins by without my notice
the whole world slows down
minutes to others passes by me in hours
i dwell in the "now" longer then most
she shares this time difference with me
i think for some reason, in a sort of kooky way, our minds distort time
"time flies when your having fun," thats bullshit
your caught up in each individual moment, truly treasuring life for what it's worth
not many people can do that, suposedly from Our Town, only saints and bards
well I doubt i'm a saint, due to all my sins, yet i believe, no, i know i'm a bard
she is a bard whether she thinks it or not
yet we both have the qualities of saints in us
we are both humble, both think our works of art suck, and our bodies shouldn't be looked at
luckily we have each other to compliment and bring our self-esteem up
im suposedly helping her, but without her, i might not be here right now typing this up
i had thought of suicide as a way out, yet the song she wanted me to listen to came on
"Everything" by Lifehouse, a sweet song
and i relized that somewhere out there, is a person that loves me
now i know my parents love me, and my brother no matter what he says he does
yet she loves me not from blood bonds or from legal status
she loves me for who i am
and i thank her for that, for without her, i would cease to be
i could not hurt her that much, to end my life, and leave her empty, leave her barren
i know i'm not her whole life, but i am fairly sure
that if i had in fact comited suicide, that she might not have taken her life
yet her world would be down trodden by the lack of respect her family has for her
they have a true gem amoung coal, that one diamond caused by all the pressure and tension
luckily, i have found that treasure, and i call it my own
no matter what anyone does to her, i shall perservere for her
i shall fight her battles side-by-side with her
or if she fights them herself, i shall be right behind her, backing her up every step of the way
