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Adam and (St)Eve [part 1]
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Humor The very first thing I remember
is lying on my back with a mouth over mine
Somebody is blowing air into my lungs
I open my eyes and see this guy, pulling away
A kindly looking fella with a long, white beard
A booming voice says...."I GIVE YOU LIFE"!!
I'm more than a little confused, at this point
"I hope this isn't our first date" I manage to say
"Cause... You're getting a little familiar, there, buddy"
He disappears like he's made of smoke, or something
I'm left there, naked and scratching my head......
I get up on my feet and look around....
There's green everywhere and fruit all over the trees
It occurs to me, I don't know who the hell I am
Suddenly, a name pops into my head........ADAM!!
It has a certain ring to it so, I decide to go with it
I'm beginning to wonder.....
if that overly friendly, bearded guy was ever there
I walk over to a tree and pluck a piece of fruit
I have no idea what the heck it is!
I take a bite and it is ....GREAT!!
I decide to call it.....a PEACH
For two days I gorge myself and name fruit
My name is ADAM....and I like FRUIT!!
That's about all the knowledge I can muster
This place is REALLY wonderful!!
But, it comes to me that I am bored...SPITLESS!!
Something is definitely missing.......
Just then, that VOICE is booming in the sky
"From thy RIB, I shall make thee a MATE!!"
I just about have a HEART ATTACK!
The world turns gray and fades to black......
Here I am, on my BACK, again!!
The first thing I notice is a pain in my side
The second thing I notice is....
someone standing over me
Thank GOD it isn't that BEARDED guy!
I slap myself on the forehead.....
So, THAT'S who that guy is!!
What's standing over me, smiling
is something QUITE different...INDEED!
* * *
The very first thing I remember
Is seeing this disgusting creature
Drooling on the ground
Staring at me
As if I was God!
I could get used to this...
Then, just as I was watching this creature’s
Flesh around its ribcage, magically heal,
I heard it addressing some unknown voice:
“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of
Man.”
What the...? I am a rib? From that disgusting creature!!??
I then realised that this creature
Was God’s creation, called Man
And this “voice” was none other
Than the big boss himself
Trust the universe to evolve patriarchally... sigh.
This Man, who I later learned
Was called Adam
Is snivelling at my feet
Making his way up
To my breasts
Oh, you like these huh? Good to know... I shall use them to my advantage.
But a rib?
Why not a piece
Of heart
Or liver
Or even brain?
(Would have made a significant
improvement on this so called “Man”)
But no... a rib!
”Man” shall pay for this insulting birth... I shall see to it!
“So...” I say, “You’re Adam huh?”
“Yeah, yeah baby!” he grunts.
“I gather you’ve been a bit lonely here...
All alone in this paradise,
With all God’s plants and creatures...
Looking for some action are you?” I play
With his obvious fallacies...
“Oooooh yeah baby!” he snaps...
Is God absolutely sure he didn’t take a large chunk of this Man’s brain and create me from it? Mistaking it for a rib?”
I sigh, looking at him
My only mate
Covered in sticky juice
From all the fruit
He’s been scoffing down
“Oh well” I resign, “I guess
I have no other choice!
Come here you big ape!”
Just you wait ape-man... in a few thousand years we’ll invent sperm banks and artificial insemination, and your duty in this world will be made redundant... Women shall inherit the Earth!
© BoarLen Productions 2004
