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Unforgiven
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Seans poems First i had you,
Then i lost you.
When he took you,
i just missed you.
Now you call me,
like you used to.
Yuu start crying,
cause he beat you.
Want me back,
but i won't take you.
Yes i love you,
and i miss you.
Heart was broken,
when he kissed you.
Heart ripped in two,
one half wants you,
the other hates you.
I don't trust you,
i see through you.
i love this. its so flowing and has rythem, it makes alot of sence and i can relate. but one part i dont really think fits, if you dont mind me saying, is the line
"i dont trust you
so i wont date you"
saying "date" sounds so wrong with the poem for some reason, it sorta throughs it off. i think something like
"i dont trust you
so i wont take you"
fits more.
but its just my opioning, feel free to tell me to shut my mouth if i offended you. i didnt say it to be rude so sorry if you take it wrong.
hi again, i just re read it and noticed it already says "but i wont take you"
i feel its a strong enough poem to have a line repeted, but if you dont like doing that something like....
"so now im though"
or
"i see through you"
catch what im saying?
your rhythm is perfect
If you ask God whether or not she can be trusted
you will get an answer...
in prayer.. in dreams.. some way