Why,Oh Lord...?

Why Lord,
Have you brought me down like this?
Why have you had to abandon me?
What wrong did you find in me,
So big that the blood of your son fairs low,
Incapable of atoning the sin?
Why do you distance yourself from me
Wanting nothing to do with me?
Refusing to hear my prayer,
Yet Satan's own for Job you granted?
Am I worse off than satan?
Am I a demon that you should avoid me
When your son you sent for me,
That innocent blood He should shed?
Am I also classified among your chief
      enemies,
Who work to destroy your works?
What pleases you
That my faith crosses over
To believe the contrary as the norm
And your blessing impossible?
Look at where I am coming from
And see for yourself how metamorphosis
     has evolved in my belief system,
Because I have prayed scriptures,
And all prayer points and bullets
At midnight hour,
And have got on me and incessantly use
Anointing waters and oils from your men
Yet I cannot have a trace of your grace,
For any of my requests
And my heart longs for death
As the greatest escape to have,
From my situation to be relieved!
Yet even death you don't want with.
Indeed woe is me
That I was created
And got  born as the accursed man;
An accursed man
With the lowest of graces applicable,
Living at most in grief sorrow and pain!

How long shall one look for light
And yet always have to abide in darkness?
Why shall one have to pray hopefully,
Untill he ends up thinking of hopelessness
    as better than hopefulness,
Just as a way of avoiding disappointment
Which has become the norm,
All along despite maintaining hope?
Why allowing one to pray and fast,
To the point of losing trust in them all
As you keep away your graces and favor?
Why do you make me pass at that crag
Where David cries to you
 How long oh God?
Going over to Job's own pass
Where he sees cruelty in your silence
And your Son's own point of anguish
Where He asks the reason for being
     forsaken;
For as for me,
I am tempted beyond what I can bear...
Though Paul alludes to our completing,
In our bodies,
What is lacking in the Christ's suffering
     for us,
It preparing for us,
An eternal weight of glory...
Oh Lord,
Give me grace,
Grace that I may endure to your own end,
Not to my own end,
Where my own strength may seem to fail.

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